1 - A
biologist phones his wife from his
office and says, "Honey, something has
just come up, I re... More ›› 2 - A
man was walking in the street when he
heard a voice: "Stop! Stand
still! If you take one mor... More ›› 3 - The following
conversation took place one
morning between a wife and her husband. They
were di... More ›› 4 - young couple
were on their honeymoon. The
husband was sitting in the bathroom on the
edge of t... More ›› 5 - A couple was celebrating their golden wedding
anniversary.
Their domestic tranquility had long b... More ›› 6 - Old Man On A Bench
An old man of ninety
was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman
notice... More ›› 7 - A man and woman where on their honeymoon
after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymo... More ›› 8 - A jealous husband hires a private detective
to check up
on his wife. The husband tells the
det... More ›› 9 - An Illinois man who left the snow-filled
streets of
Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife... More ›› 10 - A little boy walked
down the
aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would
tak... More ›› 11 - A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking
care of her husband.
When he was slipping in an... More ›› 12 - A couple decided that the only
way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the... More ›› 13 - A fellow was very much in
love with a
beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was... More ›› 14 - For their 25th wedding
anniversary, a man
decides to take his
wife on a trip to France. After... More ›› 15 - Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple,
went for a stroll in the park. They say down on a ben... More ›› 16 - An English professor wrote the words, "woman
without her man is a savage"
on the blackboard an... More ›› 17 - A psychiatrist visited a
California
mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get her... More ›› 18 - An old man and woman were married for
years even though
they hated each other. When they had a... More ›› 19 - After shopping for most of the day, a couple
returns to find their car has been stolen. They go... More ›› 20 - A boy is about to go on his first
date,
and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his fat... More ›› 21 - A concerned husband went to a
doctor to
talk about his wife. He says to the
doctor, "Doctor, I... More ›› 22 - Never before had Sue looked in the box that
her
husband kept under their bed.
The box had be... More ›› 23 - A young couple got married and
left on
their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediatel... More ›› 24 - "I
bet you don't know what day this is",
said the wife to
her husband as he made his way out th... More ›› 25 - As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife
were sitting outside
a Bethlehem souvenir shop, wa... More ›› 26 - A woman accompanied her husband to the
doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called... More ›› 27 - Four
married guys go golfing on Sunday.
During the 3rd hole the following
conversation ensued:... More ›› 28 - "Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a
divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client.
"Tell me... More ›› 29 - An explorer
goes into an undiscovered
tomb for the first time, and in
the center of the tomb th... More ›› 30 - Husband: Oh, come on. Wife: Leave me alone! Husband: It won't take long. Wife: I won't be able to sl... More ›› 31 - Two men are having an awfully slow round
of
golf because the two ladies in front of them
managed... More ›› 32 - A guy gets home early from work and hears
strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upst... More ›› 33 - This man was sitting quietly reading his
paper one
morning, peacefully
enjoying himself,
when... More ›› 34 - Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a
successful New York
contractor, was standing on the deck... More ›› 35 - A henpecked husband was advised by a
psychiatrist to assert
himself. "You don't have to let you... More ›› 36 - The room was full of
pregnant women and
their partners. The Lamaze class
was in full swing. Th... More ›› 37 - Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one
day about Mr. Riley and his
constant drinking. Mrs. D... More ›› 38 - A
police officer in a small town stopped
a motorist who was speeding down
Main Street.
"But... More ›› 39 - There were three guys in a bar. Two are
talking
about the amount of control they have over their... More ›› 40 - When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his
money and his best friend, he
got so depressed that... More ›› 41 - A funeral service is being held in a
church for a woman
who has just passed away. At the end o... More ›› 42 - The newlyweds
arrived at the front desk
of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South
Ca... More ›› 43 - A man
answers the phone and has the
following conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day.... More ›› 44 - A woman got a problem with her closet door -
it was
felling every time a
bus was passing by. S... More ›› 45 - A man comes home and
hears hard breathing
female noises from
inside the aprtment, walks inside... More ›› 46 - A
dietician was once addressing a large
audience in Chicago. "The
material we put into our sto... More ›› 47 - A family was having dinner on
Mother's
Day. For some reason
the mother was unusually quiet. Fin... More ›› 48 - The
child was a typical four-year-old
girl - cute, inquisitive, bright
as a new penny. When she... More ›› 49 - Not that my wife's the
jealous type or
anything, but one day at work, I had taken this
temp wh... More ›› 50 - Sarah was reading a newspaper,
while her
husband was engrossed in a
magazine. Suddenly, she bu... More ›› 51 - Two ladies were hanging out together and one
was depressed.
"What's wrong?"
The depressed one r... More ›› 52 - A man really
loved a woman, but he was
just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in
his ye... More ›› 53 - A journalist had done a
story on gender
roles in Kuwait several years
before the Gulf War, and... More ›› 54 - A man has six children and is very proud of
his
achievement. He is so
proud of himself that he... More ›› 55 - The man told his doctor that he wasn't able
to do
all the things around the house that he used t... More ›› 56 - "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried
to change me. She
got me to
stop drinking, smoki... More ›› 57 - "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Brian
told his best friend
Mike.
"Why not add some intr... More ›› 58 - A father came
home from a long business
trip to find his son
riding a very fancy new 10 speed... More ›› 59 - The
newlywed wife said to her husband
when he returned from work, "I have
great news for you.... More ›› 60 - A little girl
and a little boy were at
day care one day. The girl
approaches the boy and says,... More ›› 61 - A friend of
mine told me he had signed up
with one of these on-line
dating services. I asked hi... More ›› 62 - During the wedding
rehearsal, the groom
approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look,
I'l... More ›› 63 - Once there was a millionaire, who collected
live
alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of... More ›› 64 - A
married couple was in a terrible
accident where the woman's face was
severely burned.
Th... More ›› 65 - A married couple was in a
terrible accident where the
woman's face was severely burned.
The... More ›› 66 - A man placed some flowers on the grave of his
dearly
departed mother and started back toward his... More ›› 67 - The sailor came home from a secret two year
mission only to find his wife with a new born baby.... More ›› 68 - They were married, but since the argument
they had a few days
earlier, they hadn't been talking... More ›› 69 - One night, Peter was home
watching TV
when his wife entered the room and asked, "If I died,
wo... More ›› 70 - The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for
over a month. He
took her to fancy restaurants a... More ›› 71 - A guy is down on his luck. He takes his
last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.
Overnight, he has a fa... More ›› 72 - A husband and wife
went to the
fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on
the Ferris wheel, but the... More ›› 73 - The couple was dining out when the wife
noticed a familiar face at the
bar. "Elliot," she said... More ›› 74 - Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his
wife, called the
insurance
company ...
Susan: We ha... More ›› 75 - It's for my mother-in-law," explained the
mourner at
the funeral procession. Tightening the leas... More ›› 76 - A husband and wife entered the
dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don... More ›› 77 - As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided
to his
wife, "I cannot die without telling you the t... More ›› 78 - At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8
men and 4 women:
Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish... More ›› 79 - A woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the
artist, "Paint me with diamond earrin... More ›› 80 - A couple have not
been
getting along for years, so the husband thinks,
"I'll buy my wife a
ce... More ›› 81 - "Cash, check or charge?" I asked after
folding items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumble... More ›› 82 - A man was traveling down a country road when
he saw a large group of
people outside a house. He... More ›› 83 - A husband and wife were at a party chatting
with some
friends when the
subject of marriage cou... More ›› 84 - Hubby - You always carry my photo in your
handbag to the
office. Why?
Wife - When there is a... More ›› 85 - After the third day of a really torrid
honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their ro... More ›› 86 - "Honey," said this
husband to his wife,
"I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you... More ›› 87 - In the midst of a veritable downpour, a
gallant
driver saw
a woman alone in the mud trying to c... More ›› 88 - On his way out of
church, Frank stopped
at the door to speak to the
minister. "Would it be rig... More ›› 89 - The wedding was over, and the reception
was in full swing. Dave an usher, was having a great tim... More ›› 90 - A guy is dating three women and can't decide
which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how... More ›› 91 - There was once a wife so jealous
that
when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find... More ›› 92 - A young couple drove several miles down a
country road,
not saying a word.
An earlier discuss... More ›› 93 - Miles Dobson was away from home on business
in another city. When he
called home, his wife tol... More ›› 94 - Casey married a rich widow, but they didn't
get along. One day she
said to him, "If it wasn't fo... More ›› 95 - After she woke
up, a woman told her
husband, "I just dreamed
that you gave me a pearl necklace... More ›› 96 - My
wife and I were watching some TV show
the other nite where the wife
hired a private detectiv... More ›› 97 - Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young
couple that
just moved in next door seem such a loving... More ›› 98 - A mother and her child were at a wedding.
A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why... More ›› 99 - At a local coffee bar, a young woman was
expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of h... More ›› 100 - Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing
their wives.
One signs to the other, boy was m... More ›› 101 - Old Farmer
Johnson was dying. The family
was standing around his bed. With a low
voice he sad... More ›› 102 - Returning from her vacation, the
young
secretary was telling anyone
who would listen about what... More ›› 103 - The young immigrant couple had just left the
courthouse after being sworn
in as American citiz... More ›› 104 - A student engineer in the office got engaged
some time ago. At
her
wedding, I was reminding her... More ›› 105 - Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave
when the following took place.
"It's just too h... More ›› 106 - "I was married 3 times" explained
the man to a newly discovered
drinking partner, "and I'll neve... More ›› 107 - An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if
he can remove
a "Curse" he has been living with for... More ›› 108 - I know
a husband and wife who have
separate bedrooms, drive different
cars, take separate vacat... More ›› 109 - At a friend's wedding, everything went
smoothly
until it was time for the flower girl and her yo... More ›› 110 - Lee was known among his friends for the
punctuality with which he sent
his wife her alimony pay... More ›› 111 - A woman and her lover are on the bed in the
woman's home,
when
all of a sudden, they hear the f... More ›› 112 - A young lady came home and told her Mother
that her
boyfriend
had proposed but she had turned h... More ›› 113 - A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom
and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"... More ›› 114 - An Irish couple, whose married bliss was not
without a few "squalls" received a humble lecture f... More ›› 115 - I've never been much on fashion, but got
quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore t... More ›› 116 - One of the bachelors in the
apartment
development sneaked up
behind an older woman, covered her... More ›› 117 - A couple came upon a wishing
well. The
husband leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a penny.... More ›› 118 - The man approached the very beautiful woman
in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've... More ›› 119 - A guy runs out of a Las
Vegas hotel and
says to a stranger, "Can you
loan me two hundred bucks?... More ›› 120 - Two men were changing in the locker room
after a game of tennis. One
notices the other one is pu... More ›› 121 - A man happened to meet his ex-wife at a
party, and
after a few drinks,
he suggested that they m... More ›› 122 - The angry wife met her husband at the door.
His breath stunk of
alcohol and his face was plaste... More ›› 123 - A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked,
"Will you buy booze?"
The bum said, "No."
The man asked... More ›› 124 - A few moments after the daughter announced
her engagement, her Father
asked, "Does this fellow... More ›› 125 - A
child at a Christian school was
studying the early days of Mormonism in
his class. He wrote... More ›› 126 - "Get this." said the bloke to his mates,
"Last night while I was
down the pub with you guys, a... More ›› 127 - Mrs.
Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh
Marie," she said to her maid, "I
have reason to suspec... More ›› 128 - It's not what you say, but the way you say
it.
On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time... More ›› 129 - After the fall in
Garden of Eden, Adam
was walking with his sons Cain and
Abel. They passed by... More ›› 130 - "You and your husband
don't seem to have
an awful lot in
common," said the new tenant's neighbo... More ›› 131 - A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing
his wife when
he found her with a neighbor. Upon bei... More ›› 132 - A man took his wife to the doctors.
After
a short examination the doctor said
"Your wife's mind... More ›› 133 - A recent study showed that the average
husband
only actually speaks to
his wife about thirty-se... More ›› 134 - A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond
ring for
Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought... More ›› 135 - A young husband with an inferiority complex
insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach... More ›› 136 - Married life
is very frustrating. In the
first year of marriage, the man
speaks and the woman... More ›› 137 - A woman was in court
charged with wounding her
husband. "But why did you stab him over a hundred... More ›› 138 - In West Kerry, the wife commented, "When we
were first married,
you took the small piece of stea... More ›› 139 - Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his
wife at a
party and
sneered, "You know, I was a fo... More ›› 140 - Some people
ask the secret of Anthony's
long marriage.
They take time to go to a restaurant t... More ›› 141 - A wife was
berating her husband. He
motioned for her to quiet
down saying, "Don't unleash the... More ›› 142 - A woman entered the hospital to deliver
her 15th child. "Congratulations,"
said the nurse, "bu... More ›› 143 - Night. A sleeping couple
is lying in a
bed. Door bell rings. A couple
wakes up.
Woman: "Quick... More ›› 144 - A man calls his
family
doctor:
man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she wa... More ›› 145 - A man was complaining to a
friend.
"I
had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love... More ›› 146 - "I was in a very generous mood today," a
woman says to
her friend.
"I gave a poor beggar $25."... More ›› 147 - A person
receives a telegram informing
him about his mother-in-law's death. It
also enquires w... More ›› 148 - Young
Actor: Dad, guess what? I've just
got my first part in a play. I play
the part of a man... More ›› 149 - Personally I think one of the greatest things
about
marriage is that
as both husband and Father... More ›› 150 - A man comes home early from work
and
finds his wife and his best
friend in bed. The man throws... More ›› 151 - I overheard a friend
telling his pal, "I
can't break my wife of the
habit of staying up until... More ›› 152 - Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me
in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "... More ›› 153 - A lady with a
large flowery hat was
stopped at the church door by the
usher. "Are you a friend... More ›› 154 - Two men were remembering their
wedding
days. "It was dreadful," said Fred. "I got the most terri... More ›› 155 - Wife: Who
was that on the
phone?
Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather... More ›› 156 - "Oh love, what did you ever do to deserve a
wife like me?"
she said looking lovingly into her h... More ›› 157 - Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He
didn't have to hear about all the men she could have marr... More ›› 158 - My wife sez that I'm too extravagant; that
if anything ever happens to her, I'll have to beg. I... More ›› 159 - BARTENDER: I think you've had enough,
sir.
DRUNK: I just lost my wife, buddy!
BARTENDER: Well, i... More ›› 160 - The groom, upon his engagement, went to his
father and said, "I've
found a woman just like moth... More ›› 161 - A little kid comes running into the
backyard.
He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"... More ›› 162 - But let's get real here guys, I mean who
exactly are we kidding
? A
husband controls his wife i... More ›› 163 - This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It
was on this day two years
ago that I lost my dear wi... More ›› 164 - In olden times, it is reported that
sacrifices
were made at the altar.
Since then, weddings h... More ›› 165 - Son: Is it true?
Dad, I heard that in
ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until
he
ma... More ›› 166 - While creating Husbands, God promised Women that good and ideal Husbands would be found in all corne... More ›› 167 - A recent survey done
by marriage experts
shows that the most common form of marriage
proposal... More ›› 168 - "Will the father be present during the
birth?"
asked the obstetrician.
"Nah," replied the
mo... More ›› 169 - Wife, opening mail, to spouse: "The bank says
that this is our last
notice. Isn't it wonderful t... More ›› 170 - "And how's yer wife, Pat?"
"Sure,
she do be awful sick."
"Is ut dangerous she is?"
"No... More ›› 171 - We have a young married couple in the
neighborhood who are truly
inseparable. Last week, it too... More ›› 172 - A man brings his
wife a glass of water
and two aspirins. She
looks surprised and says, I don't... More ›› 173 - Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A.
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, a... More ›› 174 - Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for
men who
are married.
Every month the centerfol... More ›› 175 - You know the
honeymoon is pretty much
over when you start to go out with the boys on
Wednesday... More ›› 176 - If your wife comes out of the kitchen to
whine at you,
what have you usually done wrong?
Ma... More ›› 177 - She was two thirds married once.
What do
you mean ?
Well, she turned up, the Minster turned up,... More ›› 178 - Q: How do you know when you're at a
hillbilly
wedding?
A: Everyone is sitting on the same side... More ›› 179 - Moe: My wife converted me to
religion.
Joe: Really?
Moe: Yes. Until I married her I didn't belie... More ›› 180 - Q. What should you do if you see your
ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot... More ›› 181 - I've got trouble with the wife again - she
came into the bar
looking for me and I asked for he... More ›› 182 - Wife: "Do you think of me when you're away
darling?"
Husband: "Yes honey, I always bare you i... More ›› 183 - QUESTION: Do you know what
is honeymoon?
ANSWER: A short period of doting between dating and
d... More ›› 184 - Today is my twenty-fifth wedding
anniversary.
Really?
Yes, I've been married twenty-five time... More ›› 185 - QUESTION: What is
honeymoon? ANSWER: That
brief span of time between, "I do" and
"You'd better... More ›› 186 - Son: How much does it cost to get married,
Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it... More ›› 187 - Both of my marriages have been
disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn't.mar... More ›› 188 - QUESTION: Why should a honeymoon only be six
days?
ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week... More ›› 189 - What's the best way to get a man to remember
your anniversary?
Get married on his birthday.... More ›› 190 - Why is a bride always out of luck on her
wedding day?
Because she never marries the best man.... More ›› 191 - Husband: What do you love most, my
natural beauty or my body?
Wife: Your sense of humor.... More ›› 192 - What's
the difference between an Irish
wedding and an Irish
funeral?
One less drunk.... More ›› 193 - Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring...
Wedding ring...
Suffering!!!... More ›› 194 - What is the one thing that all men at
singles bars have in common?
They're married.... More ›› 195 - It's
not true that married men live
longer than single men. It only seems
longer.... More ›› 196 - Q: How is a
marriage like a hot
bath?
A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.... More ›› 197 - NOVICE: Do clever men make good
husbands?
SAGE: Clever men don't BECOME husbands!... More ›› 198 - What happened at the cannibal's wedding
party?
They toasted the bride and groom.... More ›› 199 - Marriage is a three
ring circus:
- Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.... More ›› 200 - Before we got married,
I caught her in my
arms.
Now I catch her in my pockets.... More ›› 201 - Why did the 280-pound girl
marry the
400-pound man?
She wanted a big wedding.... More ›› 202 - Marriage is nature's way of preventing
people from fighting with strangers.... More ›› 203 - When Mr. Maxwell's wife left him he
couldn't sleep.
"She took the bed!"... More ›› 204 - Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases, it
is damned near impossible.... More ›› 205 - Q:
What do you call two spiders who just
got married?
A: Newlywebs.... More ›› 206 - I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was
Always.... More ›› 207 - A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he's finished.... More ›› 208 - Where did the burgers go after
their
wedding?
On a bun-eymoon!... More ›› 209 - Hey, you just shot my wife.
I'm so sorry,
have a shot at mine !... More ›› 210 - John: "I'm a man of few words."
Bill:
"I'm married, too."... More ›› 211 - How do you
turn a Fox into a Pit
Bull?
Marry her !... More ›› 212 - Why was the broom late ?
It over swept
!... More ›› |
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