1 - I saw a pen in a
store the other
day. I picked it up and took a look at it
cause it was prettie... More ›› 2 - Iraq has just ordered two
thousand
septic tanks from Russia.
As soon as the Iraqis learn to dr... More ›› 3 - An Irishman saw a notice outside a
police station which read: MAN
WANTED FOR ROBBERY.
So he we... More ›› 4 - Did you hear about the village idiot
buying bird seed?
He said he wanted to grow some birds.... More ›› 5 - Why does the Philippines ban rectal
thermometers?
They cause too much brain damage.... More ›› 6 - Two men were digging a ditch on a very
hot
day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this... More ›› 7 - Two newfies walked into a pet
store. The first says "I want four budgies."
Salesman-certainly... More ›› 8 - There were two guys working for the
city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The o... More ›› 9 - A man went into a pet shop to buy a
parrot. He was
shown an especially fine one which he liked t... More ›› 10 - According to the
Knight-Ridder News
Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S.... More ›› 11 - Henderson bought a new
car and,
after he left the showroom, decided to catch a movie. When he... More ›› 12 - Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in
a rowboat on a lake fishing.
Suddenly the spray from a mo... More ›› 13 - Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop to
complain that his canary wouldn't sing.
"File the beak... More ›› 14 - Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on
the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came a... More ›› 15 - A guy walking down a street one
afternoon passes an old man sitting
on the side of the road with... More ›› 16 - Did you hear
about the hillbilly who
went into the hardware store to
buy a chain saw ?
He said... More ›› 17 - Duayne met Patricia Ann from Birmingham
at a Tus-caloosa
ballroom.
They danced every dance... More ›› 18 - An idiot decided to start a chicken
farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month late... More ›› 19 - Chaffee
could talk on any subject
whether he knew anything about it or not. Mostly
he didn't.... More ›› 20 - Guidry called in Plotke, the painter,
for an estimate to paint his house.
"How much you gonn... More ›› 21 - Edney and Cole, two Ohio Edison
electrical repairmen, were
working on a blown house circuit.... More ›› 22 - Four Independence boys, Pugh, Sumter,
Kilby and
Grayson, were walking down a Clay County road wh... More ›› 23 - Rigby drove into the city with his girl
to catch their first play at a theater.
Rigby rushed... More ›› 24 - Izzard went into a Baltimore bank to
cash his check. Since he didn't have an account there, the... More ›› 25 - Police in
Radnor, Pennsylvania,
interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head... More ›› 26 - Kennen was having a drink in a saloon
when his neighbor,
Stakely, came rushing in.
"Ah think... More ›› 27 - My neighbor works in the operations
department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees... More ›› 28 - A silly boy
spent the afternoon with some
friends, but when the time came for him
to leave, a... More ›› 29 - Zack and Tybe, two
Alabama farm
boys, bought themselves a truckload of watermelons for a buck... More ›› 30 - Wyatt, Milford and Calhoun were
standing one on top of the other trying to measure a flag pole.... More ›› 31 - I
was sitting in my science class,
when the teacher commented that the
next day would be the s... More ›› 32 - The July temperature in
Joplin
climbed over the one hundred mark. Despite the scorching heat,... More ›› 33 - Fire
investigators on Maui have
determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed
a $127,000 home... More ›› 34 - After interviewing a particularly
short-spoken
job candidate, I described the person to my boss... More ›› 35 - During a break on a North Dakota office
building project, one of the construction workers approa... More ›› 36 - Jim sees his neighbor out back building
a bunker, loading in 75 gallons of bottled water, haulin... More ›› 37 - Jett was trying to
light a match.
He struck the first one and it didn't work, so he threw it
a... More ›› 38 - Melburn was strolling along downtown
Natchez with a framed picture
under his arm. "Hey, what yew... More ›› 39 - Shingles were loose on Pennock's roof,
and
he complained about leaks to Barton, his neighbor.... More ›› 40 - Two men were knocking in nails to
the sides of a house, one of them kept throwing them away.
"W... More ›› 41 - Police in Oakland, California spent two
hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded h... More ›› 42 - Swedish
business consultant Ulf af
Trolle labored 11 years on a book about
Swedish economic so... More ›› 43 - I live in a semi-rural area. We
recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrati... More ›› 44 - Kowalski and Janzek left Hamtramack and
went out in the woods looking for
Christmas trees.
T... More ›› 45 - Titus was on a
Knoxville elevator
with several other people. As the elevator moved up,
he star... More ›› 46 - When a small Montana village decided to
buy a new fire
truck, the town council met to decide wha... More ›› 47 - A man in a swimming
pool was on the
very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and
was... More ›› 48 - Young Bradley arrived at his date's
house wearing a shirt that had water
dripping from it.... More ›› 49 - Delmer: How'd you like the play last
night over at the high
school?
Parley: I only seed the... More ›› 50 - The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager
to count to
five. The youngster proceeded to count to fiv... More ›› 51 - An army sergeant told Private Perkins
to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned.... More ›› 52 - A student in Belle, West Virginia
was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough dr... More ›› 53 - A stupid man was
struggling out of
his house with a big table. His neighbor said to him,
"Hell... More ›› 54 - A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia
received a one-day suspension under his elementary school... More ›› 55 - An idiotic laborer was told by an
equally idiotic foreman to dig a hole in the road. "And what s... More ›› 56 - Holton
sat down in a Green Bay
restaurant and said to the waitress, "Do you
know whether the m... More ›› 57 - An Illinois man pretending to have a
gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two dif... More ›› 58 - QUESTION: Why does the town idiot take
his bedroom door off the
hinges and put it to the sid eve... More ›› 59 - Tyfus applied for a job in a factory.
The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked,... More ›› 60 - Housekeeper: Professor, there's a bill
collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wo... More ›› 61 - A boy went into the local department
store where he saw a sign on the escalator - 'Dogs must be... More ›› 62 - Did you hear about the Murfreesboro
muddlebrain whose father told him about the birds and the be... More ›› 63 - Slim walked into his local post office
and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBER... More ›› 64 - My daughter went to a local Taco Bell
and
ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the co... More ›› 65 - IRS Agent: What's all this? Bracken:
Well, you told me to bring all my records with me and I did... More ›› 66 - Doctor: That deafness cure help your
brother?
Archie: Sure did! He hadn't heard a sound in years... More ›› 67 - Did you hear about the Oklahoma
idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted... More ›› 68 - Did you hear about the dimwit who went
to visit his
girlfriend and found she didn't have very mu... More ›› 69 - "How come you're only
watering
half your lawn?" a perplexed tourist asked a Richmond resident.... More ›› 70 - Did you hear about the Omaha mother who
got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts, so s... More ›› 71 - A stupid glazier was examining a broken
window. He looked at it for a while and then said, "It's... More ›› 72 - Did you hear about the dumb
father
who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door, "Back in... More ›› 73 - And then there was the Newfie who was
found dead in his jail cell with twelve bumps on his head.... More ›› 74 - Treadwell walked into a Biloxi
stationery store and
asked, "Have you got any invisible ink?"... More ›› 75 - One idiot said to the other, "You
know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world... More ›› 76 - Did you hear about the idiot who filled
out an employment
application?
In the blank labeled "C... More ›› 77 - Did you hear about the Irishman who
tried to swim the English channel?
Halfway across he decid... More ›› 78 - Fred: Did you hear about the Irish
window
cleaner who put a sign at the top of his ladder?
Har... More ›› 79 - Did you hear about the rookie Rhode
Island cop who gave out
twenty-two parking tickets before he... More ›› 80 - Carmella and Mario were out on their
first date. "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" asked Carmell... More ›› 81 - Teacher: That's the stupidest boy in
the whole school.
Mother: That's my son.
Teacher: Oh! I... More ›› 82 - Did you hear about the
Baton Rouge
bride who cancelled the wedding when she heard her friends... More ›› 83 - Did you hear about the
Iranian
terrorist who switched off the fans of his stolen helicopter
be... More ›› 84 - "What did Shawn
like most about his
trip to Paris?" "He said it was lovely to hear the
French... More ›› 85 - Did you hear about the guy
from
Newfoundland who was twenty-two years old before he knew which... More ›› 86 - Did you hear about the hillbilly who
asked his friends to give him their burnt-out light bulbs.... More ›› 87 - Personnel Director: What would you do
if you broke your arm in two places?
Vanderkron: I would... More ›› 88 - Did
you hear about the Puerto Rican
secretary who was getting so experienced
she could type tw... More ›› 89 - Did you hear
about the idiot who
made his chickens drink boiling water?
He thought they would... More ›› 90 - I can't understand the critics
saying that only an idiot would like that television program. I r... More ›› 91 - Then there was the Puerto
Rican
surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendi... More ›› 92 - Did you hear about
the Brooklyn
bubblebrain who was two hours late for work because the
escala... More ›› 93 - Why did the idiot drive his pickup
truck over the side of the cliff?
He wanted to try out his ne... More ›› 94 - Q: How many idiots who ask stupid
questions does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Change i... More ›› 95 - Did you hear about the Finn who
spent a fortune building a storm cellar in case there was an... More ›› 96 - Why did the Aggie call 911 in the
car wash?
- He thought he saw the rotating car washer as... More ›› 97 - Why did Rudolfo salute the box of
Cornflakes in the
supermarket?
Because the label said Genera... More ›› 98 - Did you hear about the idiot who
planted Cheerios in his backyard?
He thought they were donut... More ›› 99 - Did you hear about the dumb father who
got up and struck a
match to see if he had blown out the... More ›› 100 - Sister: Why are you putting
the
saddle on backward ? Brother: How do you know which way I'm goin... More ›› 101 - Did you hear about the Mexican
bricklayer who went crazy trying to lay a cornerstone in a roundh... More ›› 102 - Did you hear about the stupid
photographer?
He saved burned out lightbulbs for use in his darkr... More ›› 103 - Hoot: How the hell can ya be so stupid?
Jessie: Well, it ain't somethin' yew can pick up overnig... More ›› 104 - "Say, your house is
burning."
"That's okay. I got enough lumber in the attic to build a new
one... More ›› 105 - She's so stupid she thinks a shoplifter
is a very strong person who goes
round picking up shops.... More ›› 106 - What do stupid kids do at Halloween?
They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.... More ›› 107 - My
friend is so stupid he thinks
that an autograph is a chart showing sales
figures for cars.... More ›› 108 - Did you hear
about the dimwit who
was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for
crocodiles?... More ›› 109 - Why can't the Philippines field an ice
hockey team? The players
all drowned in spring training.... More ›› 110 - Why are Canadians given only a half
hour for lunch?
They don't want to have to retrain them.... More ›› 111 - Fred: Do you think I'm a fool?
Harry: No. But what's my opinion against thousands of others?... More ›› 112 - Did you
hear about the Texan who
moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ level of
both states?... More ›› 113 - How does an idiot call for his dog?
He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover.... More ›› 114 - My friend is so silly that he spent two
weeks in a
revolving door looking for the doorknob!... More ›› 115 - Did you hear about the Montana moron
who went looking for a
gas leak with a safety match?... More ›› 116 - Q: Have you heard about the Irish
abortion
clinic?
A: There's a 12-month waiting list.... More ›› 117 - Did
you hear about the fool who
keeps going round saying "no"?
No.
Oh, so it's you!... More ›› 118 - Did you hear about the stupid wizard?
He couldn't remember if he used to be forgetful.... More ›› 119 - The Albanian planted lightbulbs in
his garden.
He heard that tulips grew from bulbs.... More ›› 120 - Did you hear about the Georgia
accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?... More ›› 121 - How do you keep an imbecile
happy
all his life ?
Tell him a joke when he's a baby !... More ›› 122 - Q: Did you hear about the 25 Irish
people that drowned?
A: They were riverdancing.... More ›› 123 - Why did the idiot plant nickels in his
garden?
He wanted to raise some hard cash.... More ›› 124 - Why did the idiot have his sundial
floodlit ?
So he could tell the time at night !... More ›› 125 - Why did Silly Sue throw her guitar away
?
Because it had a hole in the middle.... More ›› 126 - How do you confuse an idiot?
Give
him two spades and ask him to take his pick.... More ›› 127 - Loomis: Does your dog have a license?
Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the
drivin'.... More ›› 128 - What has
eight legs and an IQ of
forty? Four guys watching a baseball
game.... More ›› 129 - I don't know
what it is that makes
you stupid but whatever it is, it works.... More ›› 130 - How do Filipinos count money?
One-a, two-a, three-a, four-a, another-a ...... More ›› 131 - Why did the stupid boy wear a turtle
neck sweater?
To hide his flea collar.... More ›› 132 - Did you hear
about the stupid
water-polo player?
His horse drowned . . .... More ›› 133 - He is so dumb, he thinks an agent is
someone who keeps track of your
age!... More ›› 134 - What do you call an alien
starship
that drips water?
A crying saucer.... More ›› 135 - Did you hear about the idiot
who
invented the one-piece jigsaw puzzle?... More ›› 136 - What do you get when you cross an idiot
with a watch?
A cuckoo clock.... More ›› 137 - "Can you read Chinese?" "Yes, but only
when it's printed in
English."... More ›› 138 - Did you hear about the stupid
Kamikaze pilot ?
He flew 57 missions !... More ›› 139 - How does a Russian Aeroflot
pilot
navigate? By reading street signs.... More ›› 140 - "Why do rednecks act like
such
morons?'' "Who says they're acting?"... More ›› 141 - Did you hear about
the stupid
woodworm?
He was found in a brick.... More ›› 142 - My friend is so stupid that he
thinks twice before saying nothing.... More ›› 143 - Hatton: I ain't as dumb as I look!
Folsom: You couldn't
be!... More ›› 144 - What did the stupid ghost do?
He
used to climb over walls.... More ›› 145 - How do Alaska CB radio operators say
"10-4"?
"5-5-2-2."... More ›› 146 - What did the idiot do to the flea in
his ear?
Shot it!... More ›› 147 - What do you call a stupid skeleton?
Bonehead.... More ›› 148 - What do Filipinos call
Canada?
Upper U.S.... More ›› |
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