1 - Why do pigs run into trees?
To shake out the
alligators.
I've never seen an alligator In a tre... More ›› 2 - Why did the little pig try to
join the Navy?
He loved to sing, "Oinkers Aweight"... More ›› 3 - What did the pig say when his brother rolled on
him?
"Heavy!"... More ›› 4 - What do piggys take when they are sick?
Pigicillin!... More ›› 5 - The teacher was furious with her son. "Just
because
you've been put in my class, there's no need... More ›› 6 - MOTHER PIG: What did you learn in
school
today?
FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink!
SECOND PIGLET: Oin... More ›› 7 - If an elephant is the
symbol of the Republican
Party and a donkey is the symbol of the
Democra... More ›› 8 - A city child came running into the farmhouse. "No
wonder
that mama pig is so big," she yelled.... More ›› 9 - Did you hear about the pig's vacation?
They
had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. T... More ›› 10 - How do you get your pigs to sleep at night?
No
problem. Everyone here goes to bed with the chick... More ›› 11 - What do you get when you cross a pig with a
canary?
I don't know, but when it sits on your ele... More ›› 12 - Why didn't the Blonic Pig get a TV series of his
own?
He made the mistake of going to a barbec... More ›› 13 - Did you hear about the piglets
who wanted to
do something special for mother's day?
What did t... More ›› 14 - What did the mama pig say
when junior pig
bought a basket of wormy apples?
"Don't tell the far... More ›› 15 - FIRST PIGLET: How do you know your boyfriend loves
you?
SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters wi... More ›› 16 - Why did the spotted pigs run away?
They
thought the traveling salesman told the farmer to put hi... More ›› 17 - What did the
pig do when a beetle landed in
his feed trough? He ate it quickly, before
the oth... More ›› 18 - What's that pig doing in the middle of the road
with a red light on its head?
Didn't you tell... More ›› 19 - Why won't the witch
let the traveling pig
actors into her gingerbread cottage?
She's afraid th... More ›› 20 - I told you not to let those pigs In my office.
Now, look what's happened.
They've eaten all th... More ›› 21 - SOW: Would you like a nice cake with three
candles for your party?
PIGLET: I'd rather have thr... More ›› 22 - Why wouldn't the
piglet's mother let her
read romantic novels?
She was afraid her daughter wou... More ›› 23 - Pigs don't look very smart to me.
Sure, they
are. You ever see a sow try to make a silk purse ou... More ›› 24 - What did the fat pig say when the farmer
dumped corn mash into the trough?
"I'm afraid that's a... More ›› 25 - Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that
lets her prepare meals ahead.
It's called a g... More ›› 26 - Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen
appliance
that lets her prepare meals ahead.
It's called a g... More ›› 27 - Did you hear about the pig who tried to
start
a hot-air balloon business?
He couldn't get it o... More ›› 28 - Is lunch the favorite
subject of piglets?
No, it's theatre. They love to ham It up and hog all... More ›› 29 - Did you hear of the pig who began hiding garbage
In November?
She wanted to do her Christmas s... More ›› 30 - Why should you never invite a pig to join your
tug-of-war team?
Pigs want to be pulled through... More ›› 31 - Why wouldn't the bird
let her chicks go near
the pig pen?
She didn't want the pigs eating shre... More ›› 32 - The kids are crazy about a new piglet
toy.
When they wind it up, it eats all the spinach off the... More ›› 33 - Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny?
Because its head is on one side and its tail is on... More ›› 34 - What do you get when you cross a pig with an
elephant?
A very large animal that knows a lot of... More ›› 35 - All our pigs are learning karate.
Oh, I don't
believe that
No? Well, just watch out for their... More ›› 36 - Why did the pig join a muscle-building
class?
He thought "pumping iron" was a new juice dispen... More ›› 37 - Why did the pig run away from the pig
sty?
He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grun... More ›› 38 - Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with
toads?
She didn't want them to grow into wart h... More ›› 39 - Did you hear about the pigs
who took up
motorcycling?
They wanted to catch bugs with their tee... More ›› 40 - Why didn't the pigs eat the rotten eggs in their
feed trough?
They were saving the best for la... More ›› 41 - Is it true the pigs went over
Niagara Falls in
a barrel?
No, that story's just a lot of hogwas... More ›› 42 - Why is the cook worried
about catching his
runaway pig?
He knows a little ham goes a long way.... More ›› 43 - If you drop this book in a pig
pen, what
should you do?
Take the words out of their mouths.... More ›› 44 - The hog was a failure as a TV talk show host
What happened?
He turned out to be a big boar.... More ›› 45 - Why do pigs never recover from illness ?
Because you have to kill them before you cure them !... More ›› 46 - Have you heard about the pig who took up disco
dancing?
He liked to swing his weight around.... More ›› 47 - What did the mama pig say
to her bad little
piglet?
"Behave or Frankenswine will get you."... More ›› 48 - Why did the little piglet fall
in love with
the hog?
Because he was such a sloppy dresser.... More ›› 49 - Why did the piglets get in trouble in their
stained glass class?
They stained it with mud.... More ›› 50 - Why was the pig happy when reviewers criticized
his
story?
Because they called it garbage.... More ›› 51 - What should you say to a pig on roller skates?
Don't say anything. Just get out of the way.... More ›› 52 - Why isn't there a Superpig?
It's too hard
for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.... More ›› 53 - Why did the piglets get in trouble in
their
biology class?
They ate all the specimens.... More ›› 54 - Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so
quickly?
They squealed on each other.... More ›› 55 - Why are there so many piggy banks?
Pigs don't
like to hide their money in the mattress.... More ›› 56 - Why is your dad chasing those
pigs through the
garden?
We're raising mashed potatoes.... More ›› 57 - Why did the pig send his story to New
York?
He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.... More ›› 58 - Why was
the pig unhappy in the Minors?
Because he wants to play in the Pig Leagues.... More ›› 59 - What did the pig say
when he found a line of
ants in his trough?
"Mmm. Canapes."... More ›› 60 - Why won't pigs take up
jogging?
They
don't like to get that far from the table.... More ›› 61 - How can you tell the pig
is a failure as
Easter bunny?
By the egg on its face.... More ›› 62 - When pigs have a party, who jumps out of the cake?
Nobody. The pigs all jump in.... More ›› 63 - How can you recognize a Gnome
Pig?
They're the ones with the little red hats.... More ›› 64 - What was the name of the hog who was knighted by
King Arthur?
Sir Lunchalot.... More ›› 65 - Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it "Ham Hocks".... More ›› 66 - What did the pig say when the wolf grabbed her
tail?
"That's the end of me!"... More ›› 67 - Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher
pig?
Because he was an old boar.... More ›› 68 - Doctor, doctor, I've got a
little
sty.
Then you'd better buy a little pig.... More ›› 69 - What world athletic sporting event is held every
four
years?
The Olympigs!... More ›› 70 - Pig's explanation for the creation of the
Universe:
The Pig Bang Theory.... More ›› 71 - Why did the little pig hide the soap?
He heard
the farmer yell, "Hogwash!"... More ›› 72 - Why did the
pig wear yellow coveralls?
He
split a seam in his blue ones.... More ›› 73 - What do you get when you cross a pig with a billy
goat?
A crashing bore.... More ›› 74 - Why doesn't Santa hitch
his sleigh to a pig?
Pigs don't have red noses.... More ›› 75 - What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the
Yukon?
Sow-r dough bread.... More ›› 76 - Where did the piglets study their ABC's?
At a
school for higher loining.... More ›› 77 - What famous pig actor made a movie about
Frankenswine?
Boaris Karloff.... More ›› 78 - What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of
grapes
?
A swine gut !... More ›› 79 - How does a mama pig put her piglets to sleep?
She reads them pig tales.... More ›› 80 - Why are pigs such early risers?
Did you ever
try to shut off a rooster?... More ›› 81 - Why did the big pig want to go on stage?
There
was a lot of ham in him.... More ›› 82 - How did the little pig win at Monopoly?
He
built hotels on Pork Place.... More ›› 83 - Who do they get for Babe the pig's dangerous
movie scenes?
A stunt ham.... More ›› 84 - What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?
Garbage collectors.... More ›› 85 - What is the pig's favorite musical instrument?
The piggalo (piccalo).... More ›› 86 - Why did the piglets do badly in
school?
They were all slow loiners.... More ›› 87 - What do little piglets do on a Saturday night?
Have a pigjama party!... More ›› 88 - Why did the pigs paint their hoofs green?
It
was Saint Patrick's Day.... More ›› 89 - Did you hear the story
about the razorback
hog?
It's pretty dull.... More ›› 90 - What would a pig name a chain of food
stores?
"Stop "N Slop Markets"... More ›› 91 - What would happen if pigs went on strike?
They'd form pigget lines.... More ›› 92 - Where is the most open green space in New York
City?
Central Pork... More ›› 93 - What are the pigs warned to look out for in New
York?
Pigpockets.... More ›› 94 - What do you do for a pig with sore muscles?
Rub
him with oinkment.... More ›› 95 - What does a pig use to write his term
papers
with?
Pen and Oink!... More ›› 96 - What did the pig say when it found a fly in its
soup?
"Yum Yum."... More ›› 97 - What do you call the story of The Three Little
Pigs?
A pig tail!... More ›› 98 - When is a pig an
ecologist?
When he
recycles garbage into ham.... More ›› 99 - Why are pigs such great
football fans?
They're always rooting.... More ›› 100 - Do pigs like Backgammon?
No, they prefer their
backs scratched.... More ›› 101 - When pigs get a toothache, who do
they see?'
Painless Porker.... More ›› 102 - Which of these jokes do the pigs like best?
The corniest ones.... More ›› 103 - Why did the pig go to the casino ?
To play the
slop machine !... More ›› 104 - Why can't
there be a Santa Pig?
Pigs
don't fit in chimneys.... More ›› 105 - Why do pigs like February 14th?
They get lots
of Valenswines.... More ›› 106 - What do you call an oversize motorcycle for pigs?
A hog hog.... More ›› 107 - What do you call pigs in a demolition derby?
Crashing boars.... More ›› 108 - Why did the pig go to the
casino?
To play
the slop machine!... More ›› 109 - Why did the pig join the Army?
He heard the
food was a mess.... More ›› 110 - FARMER: Who raided my vegetable
patch?
PIGLET: Beets me!... More ›› 111 - How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
Build a
sty-scraper!... More ›› 112 - What song do pigs sing on New Year's Eve?
Auld Lang Swine.... More ›› 113 - What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
Streaky bacon!... More ›› 114 - What do you say to a naked pig?
"I never
sausage a body."... More ›› 115 - Why couldn't the pig pay his bill?
He was a
little shoat.... More ›› 116 - A
pig's favorite movie:
The Monster That
Ate New York.... More ›› 117 - Why do pigs love Halloween?
There's lots of
hogsgobblin.... More ›› 118 - What do pigs do on nice afternoons?
They go on
pignics.... More ›› 119 - What kind of pig do sows dislike?
Male
Chauvinist Pigs.... More ›› 120 - Where do retired pigs go for warm weather?
The
tropigs!... More ›› 121 - Why do pigs have flat snouts?
From running in
to trees.... More ›› 122 - What do you call a lady pig planting seeds?
A
sow sow.... More ›› 123 - What kind of furniture do pigs like best?
Overstuffed.... More ›› 124 - What position does the pig play in football?
Loinback.... More ›› 125 - What would happen if pigs could fly?
Bacon
would go up!... More ›› 126 - Who is the greatest painter of this century?
Pigcasso!... More ›› 127 - What do you call a pig in a steel foundry?
A
pig pig.... More ›› 128 - What do you call a pig with good table manners?
Sick.... More ›› 129 - What instrument do piggys play in a band?
Pigcussion!... More ›› 130 - Where does a woodsman keep his pigs?
In his hog
cabin!... More ›› 131 - What do you call a pig that took a plane?
Swine flu!... More ›› 132 - What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"?
Pork Chop!... More ›› 133 - How do you take a pig to
hospital?
By
hambulance!... More ›› 134 - Name the pig's
favorite Shakespeare play.
Hamlet.... More ›› 135 - What do you call a pig with the flu?
A swine
swine.... More ›› 136 - What do you call a pig with three eyes?
...A
piiig... More ›› 137 - What did the pig call a manuscript?
A shoat
story.... More ›› 138 - What do you call a pig with no legs?
A
groundhog!... More ›› 139 - What do hip pigs call their ladies?
Fine
swine.... More ›› 140 - What do you call a pig who overacts?
A ham
ham.... More ›› 141 - What soft drink do pigs
like best?
Root
beer.... More ›› 142 - Where do bad pigs go?
They get sent to the
pen.... More ›› 143 - What do pigs like with chow mein?
Sooey
sauce.... More ›› 144 - What kind of tie does a pig wear ?
Pig's tie
!... More ›› 145 - Sports fad
invented by pigs:
Mud
wrestling.... More ›› 146 - Who sends flowers on Valentines Day?
Cupigs!... More ›› 147 - What is a pigs favourite ballet?
Swine Lake!... More ›› 148 - How does a pig write home?
With a pig pen.... More ›› 149 - What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar!... More ›› 150 - What do you call a crafty pig?
CunningHam... More ›› 151 - What do you give a
sick pig?
Oinkment!... More ›› 152 - What goes "knio, knio?"
A backward pig.... More ›› 153 - What do pigs drive?
Pig-up trucks!... More ›› |
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