1 - Mommy monster:
Don't eat that uranium.
Little monster: Why not?
Mommy monster: You'll get... More ›› 2 - What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the
other?
I didn't know we lived on the same block.... More ›› 3 - Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when
suddenly
through the wall came the ghost of his monste... More ›› 4 - On her annual visit to another planet,
an
old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. "I hope... More ›› 5 - Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest
invention? It's a new pill consisting of 50 per c... More ›› 6 - A very tall monster with several arms and
legs, all of
different lengths, went into a tailor's s... More ›› 7 - Igor: Only
this morning Dr Frankenstein
completed another amazing operation. He
crossed an ost... More ›› 8 - 'Here's a good book,' said the
sales
assistant in the book shop to Mrs Monster.
'How To Help Y... More ›› 9 - FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I
counted
the rings under her eyes.
BERT MONSTER: That'... More ›› 10 - 1st Monster: What is that son of
yours
doing these days ?
2nd Monster: He's at medical school.... More ›› 11 - An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven
legs walked into a tailors shop.
'Quick!' shout... More ›› 12 - Did you hear about the monster with
one
eye at the back of his head, and one at the front?
He... More ›› 13 - FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a
monster with
one hand.
SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't!
FIRST... More ›› 14 - FIRST MONSTER: I'm going
to a party
tonight.
SECOND MONSTER: Oh, are you?
FIRST MONSTER: Yes... More ›› 15 - First monster: That
pretty girl over there
just rolled her eyes at me.
Second monster: Well yo... More ›› 16 - A monster walked into the council rent office
with a $5 note stuck in one ear and a $10 note in... More ›› 17 - What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his
goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
I don't... More ›› 18 - Did you hear about the monster who went to a
holiday camp? He
won the ugly mug and knobbly knees... More ›› 19 - Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three
headed mountain monster?
Girl: Really? What kin... More ›› 20 - What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son?
He had so much wax in his ears that he became a perm... More ›› 21 - FIRST MONSTER: I fancy
eating the city of
Hong Kong tonight. Care to join me?
SECOND MONSTER:... More ›› 22 - Did you hear about the monster who
sent
his picture to a lonely hearts club?
They sent it back... More ›› 23 - Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein
invented
the safety match.
Igor: Yes, that was one of... More ›› 24 - What do you call
a huge, ugly, slobbering,
furry monster with cotton wool in his ears?
Anythin... More ›› 25 - What happened to Frankenstein's monster on
the road?
He was stopped for speeding, fined $50 and... More ›› 26 - MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice
to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fa... More ›› 27 - FRED: Your monster was
making a terrible
noise last night.
BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madon... More ›› 28 - What was the inscription on the tomb of
Frankenstein's monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTE... More ›› 29 - Little monster: Mom,
why can't we have
dustbins like everyone else?
Mother monster: Less talki... More ›› 30 - MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you
not to eat with your fingers?
Use the spade lik... More ›› 31 - Why was the big, hairy,
two-headed monster
top of the class at school?
Because two heads are b... More ›› 32 - Little monster: Mom, I've finished. Can I
leave the table?
Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it fo... More ›› 33 - Mr Monster:
Oi, hurry up with my supper.
Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pair... More ›› 34 - First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's
hanging out.
Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was... More ›› 35 - What's the difference between a dim monster
and a
birthday candle?
The candle is a thousand tim... More ›› 36 - Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the
perfect guy."
Girl Monster 2: "Oh yes, he's a bad dream... More ›› 37 - Did you hear
about the monster who had an
extra pair of hands?
Where did he keep them?
In a... More ›› 38 - Why are monsters huge and hairy and
ugly?-
Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd... More ›› 39 - Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the
menu,
sir?
Monster: No thanks, just bring me the pas... More ›› 40 - What happens if a big hairy monster sits in
front of you at the movie theater?
You miss most o... More ›› 41 - What's big and ugly and drinks
out of the
wrong side of the glass?
A monster trying to get rid... More ›› 42 - How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?
If it's a good one you will be able to talk about... More ›› 43 - Little monster: Mom I've finished.
Can I
leave the table?
Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for... More ›› 44 - What's the difference between a monster
and a mouse?
A monster makes bigger holes in the skirti... More ›› 45 - What do they have for lunch at Monster
School?
Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes... More ›› 46 - Did you hear about the monster who had an
extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them?
In a ha... More ›› 47 - The monster spent a fortune
on deodorants
before he found out that people didn't like him
anyw... More ›› 48 - Why did the
monster paint himself in
rainbow colors?
Because he wanted to hide in the crayon b... More ›› 49 - Little monster:
Mom, Mom, what's for tea?
Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwav... More ›› 50 - Why did the monster drink ten liters of
antifreeze?
So that he didn't have to buy a winter coa... More ›› 51 - What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to
the
other?
I didn't know we lived on the same block... More ›› 52 - What do you get if you cross
a tall green
monster with a fountain pen?
The Ink-credible Hulk.... More ›› 53 - What does a monster mom say to her
kids at
dinnertime?
Don't talk with someone in your mouth.... More ›› 54 - Did you hear about the monster who had twelve
arms and
no legs? He was all fingers and thumbs.... More ›› 55 - What's the difference
between
Frankenstein and boiled potatoes?
You can't mash Frankenstein.... More ›› 56 - Did you hear the
joke about the two
monsters who crashed?
They fell off a cliff, boom, boom.... More ›› 57 - Did you hear about the
monster who lost
all his hair in the war?
He lost it in a hair raid.... More ›› 58 - What did Frankenstein's
monster say when
he was struck by lightning?
Thanks, I needed that.... More ›› 59 - Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs
at
him?
Of course - he'd be eggs-terminated.... More ›› 60 - Did you hear about the Irish monster who went
to night school to learn to read in the dark?... More ›› 61 - What does a polite monster say when he meets
you for the
first time?
Pleased to eat you!... More ›› 62 - What did the big, hairy monster do when he
lost a hand?
He went to the second-hand shop.... More ›› 63 - What happened when the monster stole a bottle
of perfume?
He was convicted of fragrancy.... More ›› 64 - What should you do if a monster runs
through your front door?
Run through the back door.... More ›› 65 - What do young female monsters do at parties
?
They go around looking for edible bachelors !... More ›› 66 - What happened when the monster stole a
bottle of perfume?
He was convicted of fragrancy.... More ›› 67 - Why did Frankenstein's monster give up
boxing?
Because he didn't want to spoil his looks.... More ›› 68 - What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps
on
Batman and Robin ?
Flatman and Ribbon !... More ›› 69 - What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and
belongs to Grandpa monster?
- Grandma monster... More ›› 70 - Why did the monster get a ticket at
Thanksgiving dinner?
He was exceeding the feed limit!... More ›› 71 - How did the world's tallest monster become
short overnight?
Someone stole all his money.... More ›› 72 - What's big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has
sixteen wheels?
A monster on roller-skates.... More ›› 73 - What would you get if you crossed a monster
with a Thanksgiving dessert?
Bumpkin pie!... More ›› 74 - Why did the monster stop playing with his
brother?
He got tired of kicking him around.... More ›› 75 - What do you get if you cross a plum
with a
man eating monster?
A purple people eater.... More ›› 76 - How do you communicate with the Loch Ness
Monster at 20,000 fathoms?
Drop him a line.... More ›› 77 - What does the hungry monster get after he's
eaten too much ice cream?
More ice cream!... More ›› 78 - Why did the monster put the
cake in the
freezer?
Because he had been told to ice it.... More ›› 79 - Why did the monster take a dead man for a
drive in his car?
Because he was a car-case.... More ›› 80 - What kind of book did
Frankenstein's
monster like to read?
One with a cemetery plot.... More ›› 81 - How can you tell if a monster has a
glass
eye?
Because it comes out in conversation... More ›› 82 - What makes an ideal present for
a monster?
Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.... More ›› 83 - Why is
the monsters' football pitch
wet?
Because the players keep dribbling on it.... More ›› 84 - First monster: I
have a hunch.
Second
monster: I thought you were a funny shape.... More ›› 85 - Did you hear
about the monster with five
legs?
His trousers fit him like a glove.... More ›› 86 - How can you tell if a monster has a
glass
eye?
When it comes out in conversation.... More ›› 87 - Frankenstein: Help, I've got a short circuit!
Igor: Don't worry, I'll lengthen it.... More ›› 88 - What kind of monster is safe
to put in the
washing machine?-
A wash and wear wolf... More ›› 89 - What should you call a polite, friendly, kind,
good
looking monster?
A failure.... More ›› 90 - Why was the monster standing on his head?
He was turning things over in his mind.... More ›› 91 - What
happened when Dr Frankenstein
swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.... More ›› 92 - FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner?
SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone's been eaten.... More ›› 93 - What do you get if you cross a monster with a
flea?
Lots of very worried dogs.... More ›› 94 - What happened to Ray when he met the
man-eating monster?
He became an ex-Ray.... More ›› 95 - Where does
the bride of Frankenstein have
her hair done?
At the ugly parlour.... More ›› 96 - Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to
death?
He had a crush on her.... More ›› 97 - What would you get if you crossed a monster
with a redcoat?
A bigger target.... More ›› 98 - How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built
his monster?
On a piece rate.... More ›› 99 - What do you get if you cross a bird with a
monstrous snarl?
A budgerigrrrrr!... More ›› 100 - What did the monster say to the
Thanksgiving turkey?
"Pleased to eat you!"... More ›› 101 - Why is stupid monster
like a
jack-o'-lantern?
They both have empty heads.... More ›› 102 - What can a monster do that you
can't do?
Count up to 25 on his fingers.... More ›› 103 - How do you stop a monster digging up your
garden?
Take his spade away.... More ›› 104 - Why did the monster dye her hair yellow?
To
see if blondes have more fun.... More ›› 105 - What do you do with a green monster?
Put
it in the sun until it ripens!... More ›› 106 - What does a monster do when he loses his head?
He calls a head hunter.... More ›› 107 - How did the monster cure his sore throat?
He spent all day gargoyling.... More ›› 108 - Why did the monster go into hospital?
To
have his ghoul-stones removed.... More ›› 109 - What kind of monster can sit on the end of
your finger?
The bogeyman.... More ›› 110 - HWhy did the monster lie on his back?
To
trip up low-flying aircraft.... More ›› 111 - What's big and hairy and goes 'beep
beep'?
A monster in a traffic jam.... More ›› 112 - What do you call a monster with two wooden
heads?
Edward Woodward.... More ›› 113 - Why did the monster
take his nose apart?
To see what made it run.... More ›› 114 - How did Frankenstein's
monster eat his
lunch?
He bolted it down.... More ›› 115 - How does a
monster begin a fairy
tale?
"Once upon a slime . . ."... More ›› 116 - If storks bring
human babies, what bring
monster babies?
Cranes.... More ›› 117 - What is a monster's favourite society?
The
Consumers' Association.... More ›› 118 - What did the monster say to his
psychiatrist?
'I feel abominable.'... More ›› 119 - What monster flies his kite in a rain
storm?
Benjamin Frankenstein... More ›› 120 - Where do you find monster snails?
On the
end of monsters fingers.... More ›› 121 - How do man-eating monsters count to a
thousand?
On their warts.... More ›› 122 - What monster plays the most April Fool's
jokes?
Prankenstein!... More ›› 123 - What's the
hardest part of making monster
soup?
Stirring it.... More ›› 124 - Monster: Where do fleas go in
winter?
Werewolf: Search me!... More ›› 125 - What does Frankenstein's monster call a
screwdriver?
Daddy.... More ›› 126 - What do you call a mouse that can pick up a
monster?
Sir.... More ›› 127 - How do you stop a monster from
smelling?
Cut off his nose.... More ›› 128 - What do you call a monster with a
wooden
head?
Edward.... More ›› 129 - Where do space monsters live?
In far
distant terror-tory.... More ›› 130 - Where is the monster's temple?
On the
side of his head.... More ›› 131 - How does Frankenstein sit in his chair?
Bolt upright.... More ›› 132 - What do sea monsters have for dinner?
Fish
and ships.... More ›› 133 - What do you
call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.... More ›› 134 - What brings the monster's babies? The
Frankenstork.... More ›› 135 - What's a monsters favorite play?
Romeo and
Ghouliet... More ›› 136 - On which day do monsters eat people?
Chewsday.... More ›› 137 - What is a monster's favourite
drink?
Demonade.... More ›› 138 - How do you address a monster?
Very
politely.... More ›› 139 - What aftershave do monsters wear?
Brute.... More ›› |
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