1 - Mad men are given a test to prove they are
getting
normal their teacher draws a door on the wall... More ›› 2 - At the scene of a bank raid
the police
officer came running up to his inspector and said, "He go... More ›› 3 - "Do you love me more than you love sleep?"
"I
can't answer now. It's time for my nap!"... More ›› 4 - A wife and her
husband were having a dinner
party for all the major status figures in Rome,
It... More ›› 5 - A girl walked over to her neighbor's for her
morning chat session. When she got there, her neigh... More ›› 6 - Big Louie the
Torpedo was becoming
increasingly curious about one of the newer members of
his... More ›› 7 - A young family moved into a
house next door
to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned... More ›› 8 - The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the
recently
married couple's house. She rang the door... More ›› 9 - A magician was employed by a
Shipping Line
to entertain the passengers during cruises. The capta... More ›› 10 - There was an engineer who had an
exceptional
gift for fixing all things mechanical. After servin... More ›› 11 - There
was a guy walking down the street in
San Francisco, and he tripped over
an old looking o... More ›› 12 - Once there was a millionaire
who had a
collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at... More ›› 13 - Well, a man was driving down a country road, and
he decided to get out
and get some fresh air.... More ›› 14 - A woman walks into a bank
in New York City
and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going... More ›› 15 - Seems a guy was driving for hours
thu
desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he... More ›› 16 - Before going to Europe on business, a man drove
his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and w... More ›› 17 - Three friends were stranded on a desert
island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking... More ›› 18 - A man is hired by the circus to perform a
necessary but rather
unpleasant task. He is asked to w... More ›› 19 - Bill and Steve are enjoying a beer and
discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in l... More ›› 20 - One afternoon, a man was riding in
the back
of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by... More ›› 21 - Abraham wanted a
new suit, so he bought a
nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a
tailo... More ›› 22 - Steve,
Bob and Jeff are all working on some
very high scaffolding. Suddenly,
Steve falls off a... More ›› 23 - So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down
to
the water hole to get some water for cooking... More ›› 24 - There once was a German schoolteacher. She went
to England
to teach. When she arrived at the boa... More ›› 25 - Standing at the edge of the lake, a
man saw
a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to... More ›› 26 - A young banker decided to get his first tailor
made
suit. So he went to the finest tailor in tow... More ›› 27 - The strong young man at the construction site
was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat... More ›› 28 - An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert
in Israel and
came upon a casket containing a m... More ›› 29 - A monastery in the English countryside was
having a hard time with its
cash flow because of the... More ›› 30 - An engineer, an experimental physicist, a
theoretical physicist, and a philosopher were hiking t... More ›› 31 - A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother
he's fallen in love
and going to get married. He... More ›› 32 - At a
country-club party a young man was
introduced to an attractive girl. He
immediately began... More ›› 33 - A
young man was strolling down a street. As
he passed a large building with
a fence around it,... More ›› 34 - A guy goes to a girl's house
for the first
time, and she shows him into the living room. She exc... More ›› 35 - The world's most incredibly lazy man found
a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and g... More ›› 36 - The young wife was in tears when she opened
the door for her
husband. "I've been insulted," sh... More ›› 37 - After wedding a young couple rented a town house
in a large complex.
Concerned about a leak in a... More ›› 38 - Sherlock Holmes
and Matthew Watson were on a
camping and hiking trip. They had gone to
bed and... More ›› 39 - Three men stood before a judge on a charge of
drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.... More ›› 40 - A man was given the job of painting the white
lines down the
middle of a highway. On his first d... More ›› 41 - A newlywed couple, after bringing their
luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The... More ›› 42 - Coleman
moved to Wyoming and was sitting in
the unemployment office applying for a
job. "Have... More ›› 43 - After a visit to the circus, Geoff and Don were
discussing the thrills and marvels they had seen... More ›› 44 - The
Rocky Mountains are very big and far
apart. It takes a long time for an
echo to bounce bac... More ›› 45 - Q: How many
existentialists does it take to
screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to screw
it in... More ›› 46 - A woman reported
the disappearance of her
husband to the police. The
officer looked at the guy... More ›› 47 - Dawn was
breaking over the camp grounds.
Tony and Steve were lying in their tent.
'That was a t... More ›› 48 - This morning I felt that today was going to be
my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollar... More ›› 49 - One day the counsellor got a
phone call. It
was from a camper who had been at camp the summer be... More ›› 50 - Terry and Debbie were camping with their parents
deep in the woods.
'How far is it to town?' Te... More ›› 51 - When Fred was applying for
a credit card,
the manager of the credit card company asked him if he... More ›› 52 - Harry was telling his friend about his holiday
in Switzerland. His friend
had never been to Swit... More ›› 53 - How many bankers does it take to change a light
bulb?
Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to tr... More ›› 54 - A man walks into a palm reader store and asks
the reader,
"Could you read my palm?" He shows his... More ›› 55 - The garbage men were just about to leave the
street when a girl came running out of the house ca... More ›› 56 - Pierre was a camper from France. In his
honour, Jenny sang a French song in the talent show. But... More ›› 57 - Two women were sitting by the pool, and one
asked what kind of water they fill the pool with --... More ›› 58 - Q: How many circus performers does it take to
change a lightbulb ?
A: Four: One for the money, t... More ›› 59 - A husband and wife were shopping when the wife
said, "Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow... More ›› 60 - I used to not get on with my
mother-in-law,
but over the last few months
I've developed quite... More ›› 61 - Two friends: - I heard that you have
founded
a musical band.
- Yes, it is a quartet.
- How man... More ›› 62 - At the
end of camp, Julie won the prize for
neatest trunk. Her mother was
amazed.
'How did yo... More ›› 63 - One day a wife complained, "This wall clock
almost
killed my mother today.
It fell only seconds... More ›› 64 - What is the difference
between a English
actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
An English actuary c... More ›› 65 - A man went in to the bank and asked to see the
man who arranged the loans.
'I'm sorry, sir,'... More ›› 66 - Two cannibals just finished a big
meal and
one turns to the other while rubbing his stomach with... More ›› 67 - Bob: Did you hear about the camper who was
killed by a garter snake?
Betty: That's impossible. A... More ›› 68 - I'm not rich like Jack, don't have a mansion
like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do... More ›› 69 - John was hard at work with
the broom in his
family's tent.
His mother came in and said, 'That's... More ›› 70 - The head Counselor gathered all the campers
together. To get their attention, the Counselor call... More ›› 71 - How many social
scientists does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Social scientists do not... More ›› 72 - Steve wrote home. 'I'm glad you named me
Steve,' he said in the letter.
'Why?' asked his mother... More ›› 73 - There was a man who entered a local paper's pun
contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the h... More ›› 74 - The young Southern belle came to the hospital
for a
check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", ask... More ›› 75 - A Counselor saw a camper sitting alone. 'Why
don't you play with your friends?' he asked.
'Beca... More ›› 76 - Bank manager: I'm sorry, sir, you can't open
an account with this
sort of money. They're wooden... More ›› 77 - How many architects does it take to change a
light bulb?
Just one, but he has to coordinate ten o... More ›› 78 - How many tax auditors
does it take to find a
$1.00 mistake in an expense report?
Three. One to... More ›› 79 - How many tax advisors does it take to change a
light bulb?
"In the summer there is a tax deductib... More ›› 80 - The Counselor
was talking to the campers
about safety.
She said 'Don't climb any trees. If you... More ›› 81 - The Counselor was greeting the new
campers.
'So you decided to come to camp,' she said to one.
'... More ›› 82 - How many archaeologists does it take to change a
light bulb?
Three. One to change it while the... More ›› 83 - Q: How many Mafia
hitmen does it take to
change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to screw it in, on... More ›› 84 - New camper: I
thought you said this camp has
no mosquitoes.
Old camper: That's right. These mos... More ›› 85 - On the last day of camp everyone was asked the
same question:
'What is the best part of the camp... More ›› 86 - Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies
today. Would you like to
take
your pick?
Son-in-la... More ›› 87 - Q:
How many Survivors does it take to screw
in a light bulb? A: One to
start screwing it in an... More ›› 88 - A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last
night and stole a thousand pints of blood.
Poli... More ›› 89 - A man had a nose ring fitted into his nose, a
friend asked, "how much did you pay for that?"
"I... More ›› 90 - Q. What's te definition of a bachelor pad? A.
All the house plants are
dead, but there's somethi... More ›› 91 - How
many civil servants does it take to
change a light bulb? Twelve. One to
change the bulb, a... More ›› 92 - Two guys are talking:
(1) - I've bought a
tour to my mother-in-law.
(2) - Your mother-in-law???!... More ›› 93 - Did you hear
about the fire in the rednecks
library? Both the books got burned, and one
hadn't... More ›› 94 - Meg's mother was visiting her daughter at camp.
'How did you find
the steak dinner?' she asked.... More ›› 95 - My mother-in-law is like a fine French
Impressionist painting.
She's very lovely, but is best a... More ›› 96 - What's the difference between a sigh, a car and
a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear.... More ›› 97 - So the bus
driver said to the string, "Are
you a string?" and the string said,
"No, I'm afraid... More ›› 98 - How many cashiers does it take
to change a
light bulb?
"Are you kidding? They won't even change... More ›› 99 - Q. What did Snow white say when her photos
didn't come back from the photo store?
A. "Some day... More ›› 100 - My brother's looking for a girlfriend. Trouble
is, he can't find a girl who loves him as much as... More ›› 101 - Camper: There's a leak over my
bunk!
Counselor: That's what we said in the camp ads. Running wate... More ›› 102 - Martin asked David, "In which
state does the
Ohio River run?" David answered with cool, "In the... More ›› 103 - Q. What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden
have in common? A. They both look out their caves... More ›› 104 - Camper:
There's a leak over my
bunk!
Counselor: Shh! Don't make such a fuss. Soon everyone will... More ›› 105 - Dad, did you manage to
fix my toy? No, it's
not broken, the battery's flat. Well, what shape
s... More ›› 106 - How did the octopus lovers walk down the
road?
Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in a... More ›› 107 - How many librarians does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
"I don't know, but I can look it up... More ›› 108 - It was so hot when we went on holiday last
year that we had to take turns sitting in each other'... More ›› 109 - What's the
best way to increase the size of
your bank balance? Look at it through a
magnifying... More ›› 110 - My mother-in-law has got
so many double
chins it looks like she is peering over a pile of
panc... More ›› 111 - My
mother-in-law was bitten by a dog
yesterday.
How is she now ?
She's fine. But, the dog di... More ›› 112 - Did you hear about the man in the electric chair
who
asked the executioner to reverse the charge... More ›› 113 - Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your
grandma's
bed? Fred: Because I couldn't find a snak... More ›› 114 - Why did the kangaroo love the little
Australian bear?
Because the bear had many fine koala-tie... More ›› 115 - What happened to the wizard who ran away with
the circus?
The police made him bring it back again... More ›› 116 - Sammy: My parents are sending me to
camp.
Tammy: Why? Do you need a vacation?
Sammy: No. They do... More ›› 117 - Q: Why couldn't the animals
on Noah's Ark
play cards? A: Because Noah was standing on the
deck... More ›› 118 - How many applicants does it take to change
a
light bulb? Only one, but 200 applied for the job.... More ›› 119 - Q. Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with
newspaper?
A. Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.... More ›› 120 - Do you love me?
Of course
Then whisper
something soft and sweet in my ear
Lemon meringue pie !... More ›› 121 - Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin
opener ? He had a bee in his suit of armour !... More ›› 122 - Did you hear
about the ghoul's favorite
hotel? It had running rot and mould in every
room.... More ›› 123 - Clown: Why are you wearing such a large
shirt?
Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.... More ›› 124 - What happened when the monster kissed his one
true love?
He left lip prints on the mirror!... More ›› 125 - How many brewers does it take to
change a
light bulb?
Third as many as for a regular bulb.... More ›› 126 - Camper: There's a leak over my
bunk!
Counselor: Don't complain. It only leaks when it rains.... More ›› 127 - Sharon: I'm so homesick.
Sheila: But this is
your home!
Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it.... More ›› 128 - Freda: Boys whisper they love me.
Fred: Well,
they wouldn't admit it out loud, would they?... More ›› 129 - Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in
love?
A: They got married in the spring.... More ›› 130 - What's the difference between
ignorance and
indifference? I don't know and I don't care!... More ›› 131 - Why did the janitor take early retirement?
Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.... More ›› 132 - Q: Why did the
scientist install a knocker
on his door? A: To win the no-bell
prize.... More ›› 133 - Did you hear about the man who jumped in the
Hudson River?
He committed sewercide.... More ›› 134 - What would you get if you crossed a
monster
with the god of love?
A stupid Cupid!... More ›› 135 - Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped
Easter egg?
Because they're both cracked!... More ›› 136 - Why did the teacher decide to become an
electrician? To get a bit of
light relief.... More ›› 137 - Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow.
When I
woke up my pillow was gone !... More ›› 138 - What's a cow's
favourite love
song?
When I fall in love , it will be for heifer.... More ›› 139 - They're perfectly matched. He's blinded by
love and her looks are out of sight !... More ›› 140 - What's a cow's favourite love
song?
When I fall in love, it will be for heifer.... More ›› 141 - What does a man who loves his car do
on
February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!... More ›› 142 - If you need a loan, who do you see in the
bank?
The Loan Arranger (Lone Ranger).... More ›› 143 - Q: Why did the haunted house not
like rain?
A: Because it dampened his spirits.... More ›› 144 - Do you know the difference between genius and
stupid? "Genius has its limits."... More ›› 145 - How do you cook vegatables in the
microwave
? Take them out their wheelchair.... More ›› 146 - What do you call a nun with a
washing
machine on her head ?
Sister Matic !... More ›› 147 - Q: Why did the Mummy go to the bathroom? A: To
wrap itself in
toilet paper!... More ›› 148 - Q: Why did the clown wear loud socks? A: So
his feet wouldn't fall asleep.... More ›› 149 - Q: What did the hat
say to the necktie? A:
You go AHEAD I'll HANG AROUND!... More ›› 150 - Q. Have you heard the latest
scandal? A. Dr.
Pepper was drunk at a party.... More ›› 151 - Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A.
He didn't have the guts too... More ›› 152 - What is the most breathless thing on television
? The Pink Panter Show
!... More ›› 153 - Do you believe in love at first sight or do I
have to walk by you
again?... More ›› 154 - What did one rock pool say to the other rock
pool? Show me your mussels.... More ›› 155 - What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I
love you with all my art!"... More ›› 156 - Why are
Saturday and Sunday so strong?
Because the rest are weekdays.... More ›› 157 - Q. Why did the belt go to jail?
A. Because he
held up a pair of pants!... More ›› 158 - Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid?
He was totally bow-gus!... More ›› 159 - How is a bell obedient? It sounds off only when
it is told
(tolled).... More ›› 160 - Do you believe in love at first sight or do I
have to walk by
again?... More ›› 161 - Q: Why did the clown cross the road? A: To
find his rubber chicken.... More ›› 162 - What do
you get if you cross a toilet with a
pop singer ? Loo-Loo !... More ›› 163 - Why did the boxer date the pretty girl? Because
she was a knockout!... More ›› 164 - What did the bell say when it fell in the water?
I'm wringing wet.... More ›› 165 - Q. What do you call a ginger bread man wit one
leg? A. Limp
biskit... More ›› 166 - Why was the banker bored? Because he lost
interest in
everything.... More ›› 167 - Why can't you keep secrets in a bank? Because
of all the
tellers.... More ›› 168 - What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a ton!"... More ›› 169 - Where did the fortune-teller go on her
vacation?
To Palm Beach.... More ›› 170 - What did one amorous flea say to the other?
I
love you aw-flea.... More ›› 171 - Q. Why do bakers work so hard? A. Because they
need the dough... More ›› 172 - What do
lovesick owls say when it's
raining?
Too-wet-to-woo.... More ›› 173 - What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come
back? A
stick.... More ›› 174 - Q: Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go
to? A:
Heck... More ›› 175 - What is an archaeologist ? Someone who's career
is in ruins !... More ›› 176 - What do you call a guard
with a hundred
legs? A sentrypede.... More ›› 177 - Which painter always had a very bad cold?
Vincent Van Cough... More ›› 178 - Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two
mothers-in-law.... More ›› 179 - My teacher loves me - she puts
kisses
against all my sums.... More ›› 180 - Q. What is the bigest pencil
in the world?
A. Pennsylvania... More ›› 181 - What do you call a tube with a degree? A
graduated cylinder.... More ›› 182 - Q: Why don't you wear snow boots? A: Because
they'll
melt.... More ›› 183 - Q: What's
black, white and read all over?
A: A newspaper.... More ›› 184 - What did one bell say to the other?
"Be my
valenchime!"... More ›› 185 - What do you call a bell
wearing a tutu
?
A bellerina !... More ›› 186 - Question: What goes up and never comes
down?
Answer: Up... More ›› 187 - Q: What did the cook say to the dough? A: I
"NEED"
you!... More ›› 188 - Who does a ghoul fall in
love with?
His
ghoul friend.... More ›› 189 - What is the most romantic city in England?
Loverpool!... More ›› 190 - What do you call a man who cleans out toilets
?
Lou !... More ›› 191 - What kind of hair do
oceans have?
...Wavy hair.... More ›› 192 - What do you
call an amorous insect?
The
love bug.... More ›› 193 - What do you call two
birds in love?
Tweethearts!... More ›› 194 - What do you call an Igloo without a toilet ? An
Ig !... More ›› 195 - Where do mermaids go to see movies?
...The
dive-in... More ›› 196 - Why was six scared of seven? Because seven ate
nine.... More ›› 197 - Q. What did
dela wear?(Delaware) A. Her New
Jersey... More ›› 198 - How do you get pikachu on to a boat? You
pokemon... More ›› 199 - How much is 5Q and 5Q? 10Q. "You're welcome.
"... More ›› 200 - What runs all day but
never gets tired?
Water.... More ›› 201 - What's blue and sings alone? - Dan
Ackroyd.... More ›› 202 - What kind of bell doesn't ring?
A
dumbbell.... More ›› 203 - What do you use to cut the ocean? A
seasaw... More ›› |
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