1 - Doctor, Doctor
I'm having
trouble with my breathing.
I'll give you something that will soon put... More ›› 2 - A young woman went to her doctor
complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.... More ›› 3 - The seven-year old girl told her mom,
"A boy in my class
asked me to play doctor."
"Oh, dear,"... More ›› 4 - Interns think of God, residents pray
to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.... More ›› 5 - Three nurses went to heaven, and were
awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to... More ›› 6 - An old fellow came
into the
hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder.
The... More ›› 7 - At a medical
convention, a male
doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male
d... More ›› 8 - A doctor is going round the ward with
a nurse and they
come to the first bed where the chap is l... More ›› 9 - "Doctor, doctor!" said the
panic-stricken woman,
"my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and... More ›› 10 - A man went to see his doctor because
he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescrib... More ›› 11 - Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I
in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a
bus.... More ›› 12 - When a car skidded on wet pavement
and struck a telephone pole,
several bystanders ran over to h... More ›› 13 - Jack: "My brother was sick and
went to the doctor."
John: "Is he feeling better now?"
Jack: "N... More ›› 14 - A doctor has come to see one of
his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to... More ›› 15 - The patient shook his doctor's hand
in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I... More ›› 16 - A baseball manager who had an
ulcer was in his physician office for a checkup. "Remember," the d... More ›› 17 - A doctor and his wife were having a
big
argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed eithe... More ›› 18 - A nurse had to
take a patient
back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the
effe... More ›› 19 - A man who was very
upset walked
in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!"
he wail... More ›› 20 - A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He
called a
plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools,... More ›› 21 - The ninety-year-old man was in for
his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about... More ›› 22 - A man needing a
heart transplant
is told by his doctor that the only heart available is
that o... More ›› 23 - A new arrival, about to enter
hospital, saw two white coated doctors
searching through the flowe... More ›› 24 - The surgeon told his patient that woke
up after
having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to... More ›› 25 - A coffin was being moved
when it
fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the
morti... More ›› 26 - "Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering
from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating som... More ›› 27 - Fireman rescued a
man who was
badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his
bod... More ›› 28 - A man goes to the eye doctor. The
receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I k... More ›› 29 - A doctor and a nurse were
called
to the scene of an accident.
Doctor: We need to get these pe... More ›› 30 - A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and... More ›› 31 - "What do you do?" a young man asked
the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse." "I wi... More ›› 32 - The patient: Tell me, is it true that
alcohol decreases blood pressure?
Doctor: Yes, that is... More ›› 33 - Patient: Doctor, you must help me.
I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with... More ›› 34 - Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My
son, John, swallowed the can opener!
Doctor: Don't panic. He'... More ›› 35 - How many physiotherapists
does it
take to change a light bulb?
None. They just give the dead bu... More ›› 36 - "Why are you so
excited?", the
surgeon asked the patient that was about to be
anesthetized.
"... More ›› 37 - The Doctor was
puzzled "I'm very
sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I
think it... More ›› 38 - Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming of
bats, creepy-crawlies, demons,
ghosts, monsters, vampires, we... More ›› 39 - Why did the nurse always insist on
using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?
Because... More ›› 40 - Jack went to see the camp nurse. 'I
fell last night,' he said. 'And I was unconscious for eight... More ›› 41 - Doctor, Doctor you've
taken out
my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins
an... More ›› 42 - Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my
tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and... More ›› 43 - Doctor, Doctor When I press with my
finger
here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... a... More ›› 44 - A nurse was
showing some student
nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most
hazardous... More ›› 45 - Doctor, Doctor When I press with my
finger
here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... a... More ›› 46 - A man, seeking to lose
some of
his excess weight, visited the local doctor.
John: How can I l... More ›› 47 - Doctor: You need new glasses
Patient: How do you know?, I haven't told you whats wrong with me... More ›› 48 - Doctor, Doctor Have you got something
for a bad headache?
Of course. Just take this hammer and... More ›› 49 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
snake about to shed it's skin.
Why don't you go behind the... More ›› 50 - Doctor: Did you know
that there
are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Larry: Shhh, doc... More ›› 51 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
snake about to shed it's skin
Why don't you go behind the... More ›› 52 - Did you hear the new penalty for
speeding in Illinois?
The first offense they give you Bears t... More ›› 53 - Doctor, doctor, can I have a bottle
of aspirin and
a pot of glue?
Why?
Because I've been at my... More ›› 54 - Mary:
My daughter believes in
preventative medicine, doctor.
Doctor: Oh, really?
Mary:
Y... More ›› 55 - Doctor, Doctor, my little brother
thinks he's a computer.
Well bring him in so I can cure him.
I... More ›› 56 - Doctor:
You seem to be in
excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as
clockwork.
Patient:... More ›› 57 - Doctor: You seem to be in
excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: Tha... More ›› 58 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a
needle.
I see your point!
Tell me straight Doc, Is it bad?
Well,... More ›› 59 - What's the difference between a
general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have... More ›› 60 - What's the difference between a
surgeon and a puppy?
If you put a puppy in a room by itself for... More ›› 61 - Did you hear about the nurse who died
and went
straight to hell?
It took her two weeks to reali... More ›› 62 - Doctor Doctor I feel like
biscuits!
What, you mean those square ones?
Yes!
The ones you put but... More ›› 63 - How many triage nurses does it take
to
change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spen... More ›› 64 - How many nurses does it take to
change a light bulb?
None, they just have a nursing assistant do... More ›› 65 - Patient: I always see spots before my
eyes.
Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure,... More ›› 66 - Doctor, Doctor I'm on a
diet and
it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh... More ›› 67 - Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and
it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh... More ›› 68 - Doctor, Doctor
You've got to
help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking
Do you drink a
lot?... More ›› 69 - How many doctors does it take to
change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tel... More ›› 70 - 1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan
in the
refrigerator?
Because when she kept it in the freez... More ›› 71 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
dog.
Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm... More ›› 72 - Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the
waiting
room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What... More ›› 73 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a rubber
band
Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch there an... More ›› 74 - Patient: Doctor, if
I give up
wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really.... More ›› 75 - "The doctor said he would have me on
my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell... More ›› 76 - Patient:
Doctor, I think I
swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little... More ›› 77 - Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she
is
a lift!
Well tell her to come in
I can't she doesn't st... More ›› 78 - Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth,
foul breath and smelly feet.
Sounds like you've got Foot and... More ›› 79 - Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an
insect spinning around.
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's goi... More ›› 80 - Doctor these pills you gave me for
BO...
What's wrong with them?
They keep slipping out from... More ›› 81 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking
I'm God
When did this start?
Well first I created the sun, then... More ›› 82 - Doctor: Nurse, how is that little
girl
doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No... More ›› 83 - Doctor Doctor I think I'm a
moth.
So why did you come around then ?
Well, I saw this light at th... More ›› 84 - Did you hear about the two
podiatrists who
opened their offices on the same street?
They were a... More ›› 85 - Doctor Doctor I think I'm a
moth.
So why did you come around then?
Well, I saw this light at the... More ›› 86 - Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an
insect
spinning around.
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's goi... More ›› 87 - Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like
a tee-pee and
other days I feel like a wig-wam.
You're t... More ›› 88 - Patient (to
cosmetic surgeon):
Will it hurt me, doctor?
Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, M... More ›› 89 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm
God
When did this start ?
Well first I created the sun, then... More ›› 90 - Doctor, Doctor I keep
getting
pains in the eye when I drink coffee
Have you tried taking the sp... More ›› 91 - How many nurses does
it take to
screw in a light bulb?
None - They just have a nursing assistan... More ›› 92 - Doctor, Doctor I dream there are
monsters
under my bed, what can I do?
Saw the legs off of your... More ›› 93 - Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just
swallowed
a roll of film!
Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing
dev... More ›› 94 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
bridge
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a
co... More ›› 95 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
dog.
How long have you felt like this?
Ever since I was a puppy!... More ›› 96 - Doctor, doctor my baby's swallowed a
bullet
Well don't point him at anyone until I get there!... More ›› 97 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking
I'm a frog
What's wrong with that
I think I'm going to croak... More ›› 98 - Patient: Doctor,
what should I do
if my temperature goes up five more points?
Doctor: Sell!... More ›› 99 - Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed
my
pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil till I get there... More ›› 100 - Doctor, Doctor, I can't get
to
sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.... More ›› 101 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
butterfly
Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!... More ›› 102 - Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image
of his father
Never mind just so long as he's healthy!... More ›› 103 - Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I
do about
it?
Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!... More ›› 104 - Doctor: Have you ever had this
before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you've got it again!... More ›› 105 - Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red
magic markers to work?
A: In case they have to draw blood.... More ›› 106 - Doctor, Doctor I think I need
glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!... More ›› 107 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an adder
Great, can you help me with my accounts then please!... More ›› 108 - Doctor, Doctor I've broke my
arm
in two places
Well don't go back there again then!... More ›› 109 - Camp Doctor: Your cough sounds better
today!
Camper: It should, I practised all night!... More ›› 110 - How can you tell who is the head
nurse
of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.... More ›› 111 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
snail
Don't worry we'll soon have you out of your shell!... More ›› 112 - Doctor how can I cure my sleep
walking
?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor !... More ›› 113 - Doctor, Doctor I need something to
keep my falling hair in
What about a matchbox !... More ›› 114 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!... More ›› 115 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning
into a frog
Your just playing too much croquet!... More ›› 116 - Doctor, Doctor I need something to
keep my
falling hair in
What about a matchbox!... More ›› 117 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a python
You can't get round me just like that you know!... More ›› 118 - Doctor, Doctor will this
ointment
clear up my spots ?
I never make rash promises !... More ›› 119 - Doctor, Doctor I
keep painting
myself gold
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!... More ›› 120 - Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
caterpillar
Don't worry you'll soon change !... More ›› 121 - Doctor, Doctor will this ointment
clear up my
spots?
I never make rash promises!... More ›› 122 - Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
caterpillar
Don't worry you'll soon change!... More ›› 123 - There were ten zebras in the zoo. All
but nine escaped. How many were
left? Nine!... More ›› 124 - Doctor how can I cure my sleep
walking?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor!... More ›› 125 - Doctor, Doctor I've a split
personality
Well, you'd better both sit down then!... More ›› 126 - Doctor, Doctor I
think I'm
suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?... More ›› 127 - Doctor, how do I stop my nose from
running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!... More ›› 128 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a
pair
of curtains
Well pull yourself together then... More ›› 129 - Doctor, Doctor I snore so loud I
keep myself awake
Sleep in another room then!... More ›› 130 - Doctor, Doctor I've lost my
memory!
When did this happen?
When did what happen?... More ›› 131 - Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can
you
give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!... More ›› 132 - Doctor, Doctor everyone
keeps
throwing me in the garbage.
Don't talk rubbish!... More ›› 133 - Doctor, Doctor you have to help me
out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?... More ›› 134 - Nurse: Would you like an appointment
for next week?
Patient: No, I'm sick now.... More ›› 135 - Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a
lot.
Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!... More ›› 136 - Doctor, Doctor I've just swallowed a
pen
Well sit down and write your name!... More ›› 137 - What is a double-blind study?
Two
orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.... More ›› 138 - Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps
thinking she's invisible!
What sister?... More ›› 139 - Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming
invisible.
Yes I can see you're not all there!... More ›› 140 - What's the difference
between a
nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God.... More ›› 141 - Doctor, doctor I keep
thinking
I'm a bee
Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?... More ›› 142 - Doctor: Did you take the patient's
temperature?
Nurse: No. Is it missing?... More ›› 143 - Doctor, Doctor Can I have second
opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!... More ›› 144 - Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of
cards.
I'll deal with you later.... More ›› 145 - Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing
double.
Please sit on the couch.
Which one!... More ›› 146 - Doctor, Doctor I
think I'm a
moth
Get out of the way, your in my light!... More ›› 147 - The nurse who can smile when
things go wrong is probably going off duty.... More ›› 148 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking
I'm a nit
Will you get out of my hair !... More ›› 149 - What do you get if you have strep
throat on Friday?
Saturday Night Fever.... More ›› 150 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there
is two
of me
One at a time please... More ›› 151 - Doctor, Doctor I keep
thinking
I'm a nit
Will you get out of my hair!... More ›› 152 - Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of
my head show?
Absolutely nothing!... More ›› 153 - Doctor, Doctor I
feel like an
apple.
We must get to the core of this!... More ›› 154 - Doctor Doctor I feel like a
racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps !... More ›› 155 - Doctor Doctor I feel like a
racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps!... More ›› 156 - Doctor Doctor I swallowed a
bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!... More ›› 157 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a
spoon!
Well sit still and don't stir!... More ›› 158 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm
a woodworm
How boring for you!... More ›› 159 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
yo-yo.
Are you stringing me along!... More ›› 160 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
mosquito
Go away, sucker!... More ›› 161 - Doctor: "Good news you passed your
hearing test!"
Patient: "HUH"... More ›› 162 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
spider
What a web of lies!... More ›› 163 - Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a
liar
I can't believe that!... More ›› 164 - Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar
!
Have you taken anything for it ?... More ›› 165 - Doctor, Doctor I keep
thinking
I'm invisible
Who said that?... More ›› 166 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
vampire.
Necks please!... More ›› 167 - Doctor, Doctor I'm a
burglar!
Have you taken anything for it?... More ›› 168 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm
an
electric eel
That's shocking!... More ›› 169 - What kind of physician works on a
cruise liner?
A dry doc.... More ›› 170 - Doctor,
Doctor, everyone keeps
ignoring me.
Next please!... More ›› 171 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a
sheep.
That's baaaaaaaaaad!... More ›› 172 - Doctor, Doctor my
husband smells
like fish
Poor sole!... More ›› 173 - Doctor, Doctor I'm boiling
up!
Just simmer down!... More ›› |
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