1 - A ragged individual stranded for several months
on a small desert island in the middle of the Pa... More ›› 2 - A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next
to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The... More ›› 3 - Jesus and Satan got into an
argument over
which of them was the better computer programmer. Fina... More ›› 4 - What did one mouse say to the other
mouse?
I get a click out of you.... More ›› 5 - Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself
face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and... More ›› 6 - Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help
you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
WordPer... More ›› 7 - This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer
load of
computers stops for a beer. As he approaches... More ›› 8 - A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a
Branch
Manager were on their way to a meeting. Th... More ›› 9 - A Software Engineer, a
Hardware Engineer and a Branch
Manager were on their way to a meeting.... More ›› 10 - A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill
Gates, the
Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane toge... More ›› 11 - Comments made
by Programmers when their
programs don't work:
Strange...
I've never heard abo... More ›› 12 - Dear God: Yesterday was an awful day for
me...
My husband ran off with his secretary,
My son... More ›› 13 - Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in
an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the... More ›› 14 - After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady
repute, the luckless
customer unpacked his new to... More ›› 15 - Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited
to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them... More ›› 16 - A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer
scientist
were arguing about what was the oldest prof... More ›› 17 - A programmer was walking along the beach when
he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie app... More ›› 18 - Customer: "I've been doing risk analysis by
hand for
five years, and we finally got your program... More ›› 19 - There are three engineers in a car; an
electrical
engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft... More ›› 20 - One of Microsoft's finest
technicans was
drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he... More ›› 21 - Young Judy, the editor of a trivia
publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she cal... More ›› 22 - Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood
your instructions. Because to be
honest, boss, none o... More ›› 23 - A
tech support employee once received a
call from a disgruntled lady who
had purchase one of t... More ›› 24 - While trying to diagnose a
problem over
the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat f... More ›› 25 - They say that the new super computer
knows
everything. A skeptical man came and asked the comput... More ›› 26 - A caller, perplexed that his new desktop
computer--the one that was
supposed to do everything sh... More ›› 27 - Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?"
Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I think I've got the... More ›› 28 - One guy was on duty in the main lab
on a
quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in fr... More ›› 29 - After a caller gave a technician her PC's
serial number, he scanned a database of registered use... More ›› 30 - Many people in computer labs will assure
you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were doing e... More ›› 31 - An office technician got a call from a
user. The user told the tech that her computer was not wo... More ›› 32 - There was once a
young man who, in his
youth, professed his desire to become a great
writer.... More ›› 33 - There was once a young man who,
in his
youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.... More ›› 34 - Q: How many Microsoft support
staff does
it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask "W... More ›› 35 - Me: "What is that noise?"
Customer: "Hey
Martinez!! I'm on the phone! Cut it out!"
Me: "What w... More ›› 36 - An exasperated caller to Tech Support
couldn't get her new
computer to turn on. After ensuring t... More ›› 37 - The boy is smoking and
leaving smoke rings
into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke... More ›› 38 - A technician received a call from a man
complaining that the
system wouldn't read word processin... More ›› 39 - A person turned on the computer without a
keyboard plugged in.
When she turns on the computer... More ›› 40 - The problem
with physicists is that they
tend to cheat in order to get results.
The problem w... More ›› 41 - You
have just received the "Kentucky
Virus"!!!
As we ain't got no programin' experience, this... More ›› 42 - Another customer called Tech Support to say
her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she u... More ›› 43 - A software verifier read in the Bible
that
God protects all fools, and decided to test it empiri... More ›› 44 - A customer
needed help setting up a new
program, so the technician suggested he go
to the loca... More ›› 45 - A confused caller was having troubles printing
documents. He told the technician that the comput... More ›› 46 - Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows
95
Windows95: n.
32 bit extensions and a graphic... More ›› 47 - How many maintenance programmers does it take
to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the... More ›› 48 - How many
IBM employees does it take to
change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to... More ›› 49 - Customer: "Why didn't you tell me I have
call waiting?"
Tech Support: "Sir, we have no way of... More ›› 50 - A customer called to say he couldn't get his
computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troub... More ›› 51 - A technician advised his customer to put his
troubled floppy
back in the drive and close the doo... More ›› 52 - Customer: "My disk is stuck in my disk drive.
Clicking eject
doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Ok,... More ›› 53 - Student: "Would it be possible to
install
Arabic language support on those computers?"
Compute... More ›› 54 - A
technician received a call from a
customer who was enraged because his computer
had told him... More ›› 55 - A customer called
to complain that his
keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by
filling... More ›› 56 - This customer comes into
the computer
store. "I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with
lo... More ›› 57 - As most technophiles are aware, there are
special programs to run scanners. These programs use a... More ›› 58 - A
system programmer came home from work
almost at dawn and told his wife
enthusiastically: "To... More ›› 59 - How many C++ programmers does it take to
change a light
bulb?
"You're still thinking procedural... More ›› 60 - I overheard a woman in a
computer store
say to the sales assistant "I want a game capable of hol... More ›› 61 - This computer
you charged me L950 for
doesn't work....and you said it would be
trouble free.... More ›› 62 - - Why do you think I spend too much
time
at my computer?
- Well, dear... Every time I ask yo... More ›› 63 - Q:
How many Microsoft executives does it
take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for... More ›› 64 - A customer was asked to send a
copy of her
defective diskettes to the technician. A few days lat... More ›› 65 - Teacher: Look at the state of the school
computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my fa... More ›› 66 - Technical support had a
caller complaining
that her mouse was hard to control with the dust
co... More ›› 67 - I heard that
if you play the Windows NT
4.0 CD backwards, you'll get a satanic
message. But th... More ›› 68 - Redmond,
WA --Microsoft announced today
that the official release date for the
new operating s... More ›› 69 - The Three
Laws of Secure
Computing
1) Don't buy a computer.
2) If you do buy a computer, don... More ›› 70 - Doctor, doctor, I
keep thinking I'm a
laptop computer.
You're just run down, let me give you so... More ›› 71 - Computers manufacturer is considering changing
the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key"... More ›› 72 - Q: Complete the following word analogy:
Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND... More ›› 73 - "This
little computer," said the sales
clerk, "will do half of your job for
you."
Studying... More ›› 74 - Customer: I think I've got a bug in my
computer.
Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noi... More ›› 75 - Doctor, doctor, I keep
thinking I'm a
computer.
My goodness, you'd better come to my surgery ri... More ›› 76 - Once a programmer drowned in the sea.
Many
Marines where at that time on the beach, but the prog... More ›› 77 - Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a
choice of computers to use.
Teacher: You get a choice her... More ›› 78 - ..... Ya see, we
at Microsoft believe in
making computing easier! What could be easier
for con... More ›› 79 - Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the
Pentium's
floating point divider?
A: "Life is like a bo... More ›› 80 - "Do you turn on your computer with your left
hand
or your right hand?"
" My right hand."
" Ama... More ›› 81 - I've been sitting at this computer for hours
and I haven't seen a
single website.
That's becaus... More ›› 82 - Which kind of ink do you put in your
computer's printer?
Black, Red or Iced?
Iced Ink?
Well, y... More ›› 83 - How many
technical writers does it take to
change a light bulb?
Just one, provided there's a pr... More ›› 84 - Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: 1.99904274017, but that... More ›› 85 - Helpline? I've just pushed a
piece of
bacon into my disk drive!
Has the computer stopped workin... More ›› 86 - Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: One. He puts the bulb in and l... More ›› 87 - Customer: "I'm running Windows '95."
Tech: "Yes."
Customer: "My computer isn't working now."... More ›› 88 - Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the
586?
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pent... More ›› 89 - What's the difference between your finger and
a
hammer?
I don't know!
Well, you're not using m... More ›› 90 - How many Java programmers does it take to
change a light bulb?
One, to generate a "ChangeLightBul... More ›› 91 - The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought
you a new
basketball."
"Thank you, daddy, but where... More ›› 92 - How do you keep a programmer in the shower
all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "la... More ›› 93 - You're spending a lot of time at that
computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked?
No, they... More ›› 94 - Q: What's the
difference between a car
salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car
salesman c... More ›› 95 - If Microsoft built cars you would need to
restart your car,
then it would perform illegal operat... More ›› 96 - Why did
the school bully kick the
classroom computer?
Someone told him he was supposed to boot... More ›› 97 - Customer: "It says I've performed an
illegal operation and will be shut down. Have I done someth... More ›› 98 - I've been on my computer all night!
Don't
you think you'd be more comfortable on a bed like every... More ›› 99 - What did
Bill Gate's wife say to him on
their wedding night?
No wonder you called the company... More ›› 100 - My computer made a funny sound the other
day.
Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a win... More ›› 101 - Computer
helpline?
Everytime I log onto
the seven dwarfs website my computer screen goes
snow... More ›› 102 - Would you like to buy a second-hand
computer?
I'm afraid not. I'm only able to type with one hand... More ›› 103 - Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
A: He doesn't. He declares darkness the industry... More ›› 104 - Q: How many programmers does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: None, that's a hardware pr... More ›› 105 - Customer: "Hi, I'm
supposed to pack [zip]
my database and send it to you. What should I
pack i... More ›› 106 - If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a
Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minute, he already... More ›› 107 - Q.
What creature has the best aptitude for
engineering ?
A. The spider -- It has its own webs... More ›› 108 - Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside"
sticker they put on Pentiums?
A: The warning lab... More ›› 109 - Tech Support: "Which format are the images you
send?"
Customer: "Rectangular, 15x11 centimeters.... More ›› 110 - Teacher: Shall I put the school computer
on?
Pupil: No, Miss, the dress you're wearing looks fine... More ›› 111 - Q: What do you call a series of FDIV
instructions on a Pentium?
A: Successive approximations.... More ›› 112 - Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC
with a research grant?
A: A mad scientist.... More ›› 113 - Why do programmers always get Christmas and
Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31... More ›› 114 - Why do computer teachers never get
sick?
Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.... More ›› 115 - Q: What does a proud computer call his
little son?
A: A microchip off the old block.... More ›› 116 - What do you get if you stuff your computer's
disk drive
with herbs?
A thyme machine.... More ›› 117 - What do you get if you cross a computer
with a ballet dancer?
The Netcracker suite.... More ›› 118 - Mum, Mum,
Dad's broken my
computer!
How did he do that?
I dropped it on his head.... More ›› 119 - Want to buy a pocket computer?
No, thanks,
I already know how many pockets I've got.... More ›› 120 - Q: What happens if you cross a
midget and
a computer?
A: You get a short circut.... More ›› 121 - Customer: "Wait, that
password looks
really gray. I'm going to type it in again."... More ›› 122 - Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in
Atlantis?
Because it is below C level.... More ›› 123 - Why did the duck stick his leg into a
computer?
He wanted to have webbed feet.... More ›› 124 - Why did the dish and spoon hide their
computer?
The cat kept fiddling with i.t.... More ›› 125 - What's the difference between Windows 95 and a
virus?
A virus does something.... More ›› 126 - How do you stop your laptop batteries from
running out?
Hide their trainers.... More ›› 127 - What did one
keyboard say to the other
keyboard?
Sorry, you're not my type.... More ›› 128 - Q: What is the difference between Windows 95
and Windows 98?
A: 3 years... More ›› 129 - What is an
astronaut's favorite key on a
computer keyboard?
The space bar.... More ›› 130 - What do you get if you take your computer to
an ice
rink?
A slipped disk.... More ›› 131 - Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was
looking for a byte to eat.... More ›› 132 - What do you get if you cross a computer with a
hamburger?
A big mac.... More ›› 133 - What happened when the computer fell on the
floor?
It slipped a disk.... More ›› 134 - Which football team to you need to connect up
your
computer?
Leeds.... More ›› 135 - Who holds up
stagecoaches and steals
laptop computers?
Click Turpin... More ›› 136 - The
attention span of a computer is as
long as its electrical cord.... More ›› 137 - To err is human; but to really mess things up
requires a computer.... More ›› 138 - What do you do if your computer hums?
Tell
it to change its socsks!... More ›› 139 - What do you get if you cross a constable with
a computer?
PC Plod.... More ›› 140 - Got this email from a friend:
CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?... More ›› 141 - Where is the best place to buy computer
software?
Washington C.D... More ›› 142 - What do computer experts do at weekends?
Go
for a disk drive.... More ›› 143 - Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?
A.
He uses "windows".... More ›› 144 - Q: What's the
best way to accelerate a
Mac?
A: 9.81 m/s2... More ›› 145 - Computers are not intelligent.
They only
think they are.... More ›› 146 - Q: Which way did the programmer go?
A: He
went DATA way!... More ›› 147 - Why
did the computer act crazy?
It had
a screw loose.... More ›› 148 - When do computers
go to sleep?
When
it's internight.... More ›› 149 - Where does an elephant carry its laptop?
In
its trunk.... More ›› 150 - My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a
bit ANSI.... More ›› 151 - What do computers eat when they get hungry?
Chips.... More ›› 152 - Computers make very fast, very accurate
mistakes.... More ›› 153 - What is a computer virus?
A terminal
illness.... More ›› 154 - What did the mouse say to the
webcam?
Cheese.... More ›› 155 - Who sits on Cinderella's
keyboard?
Buttons.... More ›› 156 - Customer:
"How do I print my
voicemail?"... More ›› |
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