1 - A monster went to the doctor with a branch
growing out of his head.
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I... More ›› 2 - A little boy came running into the kitchen.
'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door w... More ›› 3 - Fred keeps telling me that he's going to marry
the most
beautiful girl in the world.
Oh, what... More ›› 4 - Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for
your girlfriend improve her appearance ?
Man: It d... More ›› 5 - My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion.
Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.... More ›› 6 - She's so ugly that when a wasp stings her it
shuts
its eyes.... More ›› 7 - Two teenage boys were
talking in the
classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The
br... More ›› 8 - Little Johnny and
his mother were on a
train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in
his... More ›› 9 - A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the
assistant how much it would cost to make her loo... More ›› 10 - A woman went to a sweet store to buy some
sweets.
The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ug... More ›› 11 - Monster: I'm so ugly.
Ghost: It's not
that bad!
Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born t... More ›› 12 - Julie had broken off her
engagement. Her
friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was l... More ›› 13 - First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor
yesterday. I was
there for three hours.
Second Witch:... More ›› 14 - Mrs Saggy:
Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a
facelift last week.
Mrs Baggy: Tried to?
Mrs Saggy: Y... More ›› 15 - "My
boyfriend says I look like a dishy
Italian!"said Miss Conceited.
''Then he's right said her... More ›› 16 - I can't understand why people say my
girlfriend's legs look like
matchsticks. They do look like... More ›› 17 - What is yellow and goes click-click?
A
ball-point banana.
Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get... More ›› 18 - First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror
admiring
my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?... More ›› 19 - Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty
?
Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'... More ›› 20 - What happened when the
witch went for a job
as a TV presenter?
The producer said she had the p... More ›› 21 - Fred: What's
that terribly ugly thing on
your shoulders?
Harry: Help! What is it?
Fred: Your... More ›› 22 - I don't think these photographs
you've
taken do me justice.
You don't want justice - you want m... More ›› 23 - I'm not ugly. I could
marry anyone I
pleased!
But that's the problem - you don't please anyone... More ›› 24 - Last night I dreamt I was
dancing with the
most beautiful girl in the world
What was I wearing... More ›› 25 - Did you hear
about the witch who did a four
year course in ugliness?
She finished it in two.... More ›› 26 - Bill: My sister has lovely
long red hair
all down her back.
Will: Pity it's not on her head.... More ›› 27 - Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't
pretty and wasn't ugly ?
She was pretty ugly... More ›› 28 - Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and
fat and ugly?
Boyfriend: Of course I do !... More ›› 29 - She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice
-
they can't believe it the first time.... More ›› 30 - They say Margaret is a raving beauty.
You
mean she's escaped from the funny farm?... More ›› 31 - First witch: My beauty
is timeless.
Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.... More ›› 32 - People keep telling me I'm beautiful.
What
vivid imaginations some people have.... More ›› 33 - What did the really ugly man do for a living
?
He posed for Halloween masks !... More ›› 34 - My boyfriend thinks I'm
beautiful
Well
they do say that love is blind !... More ›› 35 - Don't look out of the
window, Betty,
people will think it's Halloween.... More ›› 36 - Your ugly.
And you're drunk.
Yes, but in
the morning I'll be sober !... More ›› 37 - I've just come back from the beauty parlour.
Pity it was closed!... More ›› 38 - Who won the Monster Beauty Contest?
No
one.... More ›› 39 - Where is everyone beautiful?
In the dark.... More ›› |
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