1 - A man named Mr. Smith was
flying from San
Francisco to LA.
Unexpectedly the plane stopped in S... More ›› 2 - Taxiing
down the tarmac, the jetliner
abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate... More ›› 3 - Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority. Here are some actual humorous statements by airline... More ›› 4 - One day at a busy
airport, the passengers
on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the... More ›› 5 - An award should go to the United Airlines gate
agent in
Denver for being smart and funny, and ma... More ›› 6 - A few days after Christmas, a
mother was
working in the kitchen listening
to her son playing w... More ›› 7 - A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York.
During the meal service, he
accidentally knocked... More ›› 8 - Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural
America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilize... More ›› 9 - It was a few days before Christmas. The trip
went reasonably well,
and he was ready to go back h... More ›› 10 - As a crowded airliner is about to
take
off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks... More ›› 11 - Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and
nephews. However, she had relatives all over the count... More ›› 12 - An airline pilot was scheduled to take a
flight from New York to Los
Angeles. The weather was to... More ›› 13 - Fred and his wife Edna went to the state
fair every year. Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd... More ›› 14 - While cruising at 40,000
feet, the
airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.
"G... More ›› 15 - A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in
the
first class section of the plane. The stewarde... More ›› 16 - Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this
announcement from the captain, "Ladies and Gentlemen... More ›› 17 - There were three guys in an
airplane. One
guy dropped
a rock, another dropped a brick, and the... More ›› 18 - A military cargo plane, flying over a
populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose do... More ›› 19 - A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a
landing at an airport
they had never been to before... More ›› 20 - No flight ever leaves on time unless you are
running
late and need the
delay to make the flight... More ›› 21 - An
employee of USAir with the last name of
Gay boarded a USAir flight with
a free travel vouch... More ›› 22 - The Captain was
Jewish, and the new First
Officer was Chinese. It was the
first time they had... More ›› 23 - An airplane pilot dies at the controls.
He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the 'newly arriv... More ›› 24 - On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised
to see a parrot strapped
in next to him. He asks t... More ›› 25 - The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport
were often short-tempered. They not only expected yo... More ›› 26 - A young lady was conducting a study in to
human sexual
behavior. She came
to the conclusion th... More ›› 27 - An airline captain was breaking in a very
pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flyi... More ›› 28 - A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to
the window.
A few minutes later, a big, heavy, st... More ›› 29 - A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.
After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, t... More ›› 30 - A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it
reached a
comfortable
cruising altitude, the cap... More ›› 31 - Flight fifty
has a pretty rough time
above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the
intercom... More ›› 32 - After an overnight flight to meet my father
at
his latest military assignment, my mother wearily... More ›› 33 - "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf
of my
crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British... More ›› 34 - A blonde gets
an opportunity to fly to a
nearby country. She has never been on an
airplane any... More ›› 35 - An airplane was flying from LA to New York.
About an
hour into the flight, the pilot announced,... More ›› 36 - An
airline pilot wrote that on this
particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the runway... More ›› 37 - At the airport for a business trip, I settled
down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate... More ›› 38 - As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over
Arizona on a clear day,
the co-pilot was providing his... More ›› 39 - A mother and her son were
flying
"Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to
Chicago. The son (who had... More ›› 40 - A
blind man was describing his favorite
sport, parachuting. When asked
how this was accomplish... More ›› 41 - From a Southwest Airlines employee....
"Welcome aboard Southwest
Flight XXX to YYY. To operate y... More ›› 42 - A man jumps out of an airplane with a
parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes hiss c... More ›› 43 - Bill Clinton,
Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al
Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air
Force 1 o... More ›› 44 - On a flight
with EasyJet back in 1997 the
pilot made what can only be describes as
an extremel... More ›› 45 - An airplane was losing altitude
over the
Rocky Mountains. The pilot over
the intercom said that... More ›› 46 - Brendan had spent a week
visiting his
family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old... More ›› 47 - During the heat of the space race in the
1960's, the U.S.
National
Aeronautics and Space Admin... More ›› 48 - Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the
other day, a
passenger noticed that the "Fasten Sea... More ›› 49 - A young guy in a two-engine fighter was
flying
escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance,... More ›› 50 - A student was heading home for the holidays.
When she got to
the airline counter, she presented... More ›› 51 - Overheard on an American Airlines flight into
Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy... More ›› 52 - All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me
to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. Du... More ›› 53 - An airliner was having engine
trouble,
and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passe... More ›› 54 - Delta Airlines recently
introduced a
special half-fare rate for wives
accompanying their husba... More ›› 55 - Taxiing down the tarmac,
the jetliner
abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.... More ›› 56 - United
Airlines FA: "Ladies and
Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our
Captain has... More ›› 57 - McNally was taking his first plane ride,
flying over the
Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed... More ›› 58 - USAir recently introduced a special
half
fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on busine... More ›› 59 - According to "The Australian," an airliner
recently encountered severe
vibration in flight.
T... More ›› 60 - After the first
takeoff of the fully
automatic airplane, the passengers heard the soothing,
re... More ›› 61 - A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool
on the aviation frequencies.
This was his firs... More ›› 62 - An airline stewardess was giving the standard
safety briefing to the
passengers. She had just... More ›› 63 - Pilot says:
"Folks, we have reached our
cruising altitude now, so I am going to
switch the sea... More ›› 64 - As the airliner was preparing to land in
Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noti... More ›› 65 - Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student
pilot, I am out of
fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 1234... More ›› 66 - A husband suspects his wife is having an
affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until fi... More ›› 67 - Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival
announcement: "We'd like to
thank you folks for flying with... More ›› 68 - A small two-seater Cessna
152 plane
crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central
Po... More ›› 69 - Stewardess"
"Yes, Sir?" "I want to
complain about this airline. Every time I
fly, I get the sa... More ›› 70 - "Flight 1234, for noise
abatement turn
right 45 degrees.."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet,... More ›› 71 - "I've never flown before, said the
nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely... More ›› 72 - "Should the cabin
lose pressure, oxygen
masks will drop from the overhead area. Please
place t... More ›› 73 - Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE
in-flight?...... It's not
because of the film's... More ›› 74 - A man walks up to the
counter at the
airport. "Can I help you?" asks the agent.
"I want a rou... More ›› 75 - A woman called and said, "I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola
on one of those computer planes." I asked... More ›› 76 - A man telephoned an airline office in New
York
and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Bosto... More ›› 77 - ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions?
"
Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence a... More ›› 78 - Tower:
Mission triple-three, do you have
problems?
Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.
To... More ›› 79 - From the pilot during his welcome message:
"We are pleased to have some of the best flight atten... More ›› 80 - It was mealtime on a small airline and the
flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like... More ›› 81 - Once as Laloo was coming out of airport,
there was huge rush
and the security guard told him, "W... More ›› 82 - Another flight
Attendant's comment on a
less than perfect landing: "We ask you to
please remai... More ›› 83 - Pilot: Tower, there's a runway light
burning.
Tower: I'm sure there must be dozens of lights
b... More ›› 84 - From a
Southwest Airlines employee: "There
may be 50 ways to leave your
lover, but there are o... More ›› 85 - Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're
number one,
check for workers on the taxiway.
Pilot: Roger ........ More ›› 86 - Tower: Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft
declaring emergency about two hours ago ?
Pilot: Nega... More ›› 87 - Tower: Shamu two-two, please
state
estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think... More ›› 88 - Little boy to airline pilot:
"You're
a pilot?!?!? That must be exciting."
Pilot:
"Not... More ›› 89 - How does the captain know the aircraft is
safely at the ramp?
Both the engines and the co-pilot s... More ›› 90 - "Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your
wings.."
"OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!"... More ›› 91 - Tower: What's your heigth and
position?
Pilot: Well, I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left.... More ›› 92 - How many pilots does it take to change a
light
bulb?
None, it is done by the automatic pilot.... More ›› 93 - Tower:
Have you got enough fuel or
not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!... More ›› 94 - Pilot: Tower, please call me
a fuel
truck.
Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.... More ›› 95 - LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check
Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.... More ›› 96 - Tower: Cannot read you, say again!
Pilot:
Again!... More ›› |
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