1 - How do you know accountants have no
imagination?
They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.... More ›› 2 - A young accountant, straight out
of uni,
applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Hera... More ›› 3 - An
accountant applies for the position of Chief Financial Officer.
There are a number of candi... More ›› 4 - A young accountant spends a week at his new
office with the retiring accountant he is replacing.... More ›› 5 - Two accountants are in a bank, when armed
robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take th... More ›› 6 - An auditor is checking the books of
an
airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Mel... More ›› 7 - A tourist, visiting a small town in
Israel, came upon a statue dedicated
to "The Unknown Soldi... More ›› 8 - The doctor comes to see his heart
transplant patient.
"This is good news. It is very unusual,... More ›› 9 - An
internal auditor for a manufacturing
group was concerned about anomalies in
stock levels. H... More ›› 10 - A guy in a bar
leans over to the guy
next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant
joke?"... More ›› 11 - A patient was at her doctor's office after
undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said,... More ›› 12 - A Martian lands to plunder,
pillage and
burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees... More ›› 13 - Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil
company.
All day long she loved to run up and down th... More ›› 14 - A business man was interviewing
applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a... More ›› 15 - An
accountant goes into a pet shop to
buy a parrot. The shop owner shows
him three identical p... More ›› 16 - An auditor was examining the balance sheet
of a mining company that had just bought a sheep stat... More ›› 17 - A 54-year-old
accountant leaves a letter
for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I
am... More ›› 18 - The managing partner in an accounting firm
is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and h... More ›› 19 - The accountant had just read the story of
Cinderella to his
four-year-old daughter for the first... More ›› 20 - What does CPA stand for?
Can't Produce
Anything... More ›› 21 - An accountant is having a hard time sleeping
and goes to see
his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't g... More ›› 22 - What do you call an accountant without a
spreadsheet?
Lost... More ›› 23 - There once was an accountant who lived her whole life
without
ever taking advantage of any of th... More ›› 24 - A man walking along a country road comes
across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops a... More ›› 25 - Three partners
in an accounting firm go
out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the
tax part... More ›› 26 - The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be
more
relaxed about insignificant details, starting tom... More ›› 27 - What's the definition of unlikely?
A
photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants... More ›› 28 - What do actuaries do to liven up
their
office party?
Invite an accountant.... More ›› 29 - The young accounting graduate, fresh out of
uni and knowing everything, applied for his first jo... More ›› 30 - An accountant visited the Natural History
museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to hi... More ›› 31 - A
business owner tells her friend that
she is desperately searching for an
accountant.
Her... More ›› 32 - A businessman hires a private detective to
find a missing
accountant.
The detective tells him t... More ›› 33 - Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He
got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the... More ›› 34 - How many accountants
does it take to
change a light bulb?
"What kind of answer did you have in... More ›› 35 - Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to
his young child:
"No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost... More ›› 36 - Wife to husband as they watch their young
son playing:
"He's such a sensitive child. Let's wa... More ›› 37 - "The auditors have just left,
sir."
"Did they check the books?"
"Very thoroughly."
"Wha... More ›› 38 - What does an accountant say when
you ask
him the time?
It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 1... More ›› 39 - Laws of
Accounting
1. Trial balances
don't
2. Bank reconciliations never do
3. Working Capita... More ›› 40 - Q: How many Accountants
does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: What sort of answer did you ha... More ›› 41 - How do you drive an accountant completely
insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and... More ›› 42 - When does a person decide to become an
accountant?
When he realises he doesn't have the charism... More ›› 43 - What's the definition of an
accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a... More ›› 44 - How many cost accountants does it
take
to change a light bulb?
Hmmm........I'll just do a few n... More ›› 45 - How can you tell when the Chief Accountant
is getting soft?
When he actually listens to Marketing... More ›› 46 - What's a shy and retiring
accountant?
An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he... More ›› 47 - What's an extroverted accountant?
One
who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead o... More ›› 48 - Why did the auditor cross the
road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last... More ›› 49 - How do you know when an
accountant's on
holidays?
He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in af... More ›› 50 - What's the most wicked thing a group of
young accountants
can do?
Go into town and gang-audit s... More ›› 51 - If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what
does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your w... More ›› 52 - What's an accountant's idea of trashing
his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment ca... More ›› 53 - What does it mean when an accountant is
drooling out of
both sides of his mouth?
His desk is le... More ›› 54 - There are three kinds of
accountants in
the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.... More ›› 55 - What's the definition of a good tax
accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.... More ›› 56 - Why do some accountants
decide to become
actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.... More ›› 57 - How many auditors does it take to change a
light bulb?
How many did it take last year?... More ›› 58 - Why accountants don't read
novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.... More ›› 59 - Conversation between two accountants at a
cocktail party:
".......and ninthly..."... More ›› 60 - Why do accountants get excited on
Saturdays?
They can wear casual clothes to work... More ›› 61 - Why did God invent economists?
So
accountants could have someone to laugh at.... More ›› 62 - What do accountants suffer from that
ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.... More ›› 63 - Why did he cross back?
So he could charge
the client for travel expenses.... More ›› 64 - Q: What is a Budget? A: An
orderly
system for living beyond your means.... More ›› 65 - What do you call an accountant who is seen
talking to someone?
Popular... More ›› 66 - When do
accountants laugh out
loud?
When somebody asks for a raise... More ›› 67 - Why do
accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.... More ›› 68 - What does an accountant use for birth
control?
His personality.... More ›› 69 - What's an actuary?
An accountant without
the sense of humour.... More ›› 70 - What does FCPA stand for?
Finally Caught
Pinching the Assets... More ›› 71 - What would Economics be without
assumptions?
Accounting... More ›› |
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