1 - A woman goes into a funeral home to make
arrangements
for her
husband's funeral. She tells the... More ›› 2 - A man
is calling on his best friend
to pay a condolence call the day after the
friend's wife h... More ›› 3 - Teacher: What can you tell me about the
Dead Sea?
Pupil: Dead ?, I didn't even know he was sick !... More ›› 4 - An English guy was very ill and his son
went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father... More ›› 5 - A Packer fan was enjoying himself at
the game in a packed Lambeau Field,
until he noticed an em... More ›› 6 - A woman goes into the local newspaper
office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased... More ›› 7 - This elderly Newfoundland
fisherman
is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "W... More ›› 8 - A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher
were
sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was t... More ›› 9 - A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal
raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the stre... More ›› 10 - Phoning the florist to order some
flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard wh... More ›› 11 - A chap went up to the counter in the
library
and said, "Have you got any books about committing... More ›› 12 - Sam was on his death bed, and his wife
and children were
gathered
around him. Suddenly the arom... More ›› 13 - A man is fibbing
away about how
great things are in his country. Finally, he starts
describing... More ›› 14 - Three weeks after her wedding
day,
Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and... More ›› 15 - "Do you
believe in life after
death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir," the ne... More ›› 16 - At the inquest
into her husband's
death by food poisoning Mrs Wally was asked by the
coroner i... More ›› 17 - "Why are you crying Fred?" asked the
teacher. "
'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in... More ›› 18 - There was a great loss today in the
entertainment world. The
man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey... More ›› 19 - A monster and a zombie went into a
funeral home. 'I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of min... More ›› 20 - The man who
was about to die said
to the Sheriff,
"Say, do I really have to die swinging from... More ›› 21 - A monster and a zombie went
into
the undertaker's. "I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of... More ›› 22 - A man was sitting in the electric
chair. The executioner said, "Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to... More ›› 23 - Vampire 1: "I once went so long without
fresh blood that I
nearly died."
Vampire 2: "How awful... More ›› 24 - Did you hear someone has invented a
coffin that just covers the head?
It's for people like you... More ›› 25 - What's the difference between a very
old, shaggy Yeti and a dead
bee?
One's a seedy beast and... More ›› 26 - Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk,
and I swatted one, how many flies would be left?
Girl:... More ›› 27 - Why did the cowboy
die with his
boots on ?
Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicke... More ›› 28 - Did you
hear about the undertaker
who buried someone in the wrong place and was
sacked for the... More ›› 29 - If a woman is born in Italy, grows up
in
England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is... More ›› 30 - Did you hear about the do-it-yourself
funeral?
They just loosen the earth and you sink down by... More ›› 31 - Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door!
Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you... More ›› 32 - I've been e-mailing William
Shakespeare.
William Shakespeare's dead, silly.
No wonder he hasn't... More ›› 33 - My brother's a professional boxer.
Heavyweight ?
No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to d... More ›› 34 - When a knight in armour was killed in
battle, what sign did they put on
his grave ?
Rust in pea... More ›› 35 - What is the difference between a
musician and a
dead body?
One composes and the other decompos... More ›› 36 - If a man was born in England, raised in
America and died in Spain, what does that make him?
De... More ›› 37 - I was so sorry
to hear you buried
your mother last week.
Well, we had to, you know, she was dea... More ›› 38 - Waiter, waiter! There's a
dead fly
in my soup.
Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?... More ›› 39 - Why do you want to be buried at sea?
Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.... More ›› 40 - Did you hear about the two men who were
cremated at the same time?
It was a dead heat.... More ›› 41 - Why did the monster
take a dead man
for a drive in his car?
Because he was a car-case.... More ›› 42 - Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the
waist down.
I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.... More ›› 43 - What are you doing?
I'm trying to
call Washington!
Oh, haven't you heard? He's dead!... More ›› 44 - Did you hear about the man
who left
his job at the mortuary?
It was a dead end job.... More ›› 45 - Question: What
did the dead raccoon
say in his will?
Answer: "Leave it to Beaver."... More ›› 46 - What do you call a man who has been
dead and buried for
thousands of years?
Pete.... More ›› 47 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup
!
Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !... More ›› 48 - First ghoul: You don't look too well
today.
Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.... More ›› 49 - Why do cemeteries have fences around
them?
Because people are dying to get in.... More ›› 50 - What lies on the ground 100 feet up in
the air and smells?
A dead centipede.... More ›› 51 - Q: What is the
definition of
Death?
A: When you stop paying taxes suddenly.... More ›› 52 - What is posthumous work ?
Something
written by someone after they are dead !... More ›› 53 - Why was George Washington buried at
Mount Vernon ?
Because he was dead !... More ›› 54 - What is the last thing you eat before
you die?
You bite the dust.... More ›› 55 - What did the little kid do with the
dead
battery?
He buried it.... More ›› 56 - What kind of ghosts haunt operating
theatres?
Surgical spirits.... More ›› 57 - What's a zombie's favorite pop song?
Dead sails in the sunset.... More ›› 58 - What has four legs, a tail,
whiskers and flies?
A dead cat.... More ›› 59 - What do you find in a zombie's veins?
Dead blood corpuscles.... More ›› 60 - Where do ghosts go for their holidays?
The Dead Sea.... More ›› 61 - How do you make a Venetian
blind?
Poke him in the eye... More ›› |
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